The Hodge Podge Lodge

Sunday

2012-02-12T17:30:00.000-08:00

On Friday morning, I began my work.

About half way into it, I had a thought.

(On Fridays, I don't ignore my thoughts.)

The thought was, "Plan a party for the kids."

So I did.

And yesterday we had about 40 kids here.

The theme was 'Hunger Games.'

If you haven't read the books, it won't make any sense.

It's tough to come up with a theme that is appropriate for both the 13 year old boy and 10 year old girl.

Hunger Games was acceptable to both.

We had a Prep Area where the girls did hair and makeup.

And a District Banner painting station.

And then the training stations: Archery, Sling Shot, Air Soft Gun, Marshmellow Gun.

It ended in a huge Air Soft Gun War,

with all the big kids running around shooting each other.

Hungers Games ideas are endless.

I offered to serve Rabbit Stew.

Reagan almost agreed.

We could have given parachute party favors with small hard loaves of bread and a side of goat cheese.

(No one consented to that idea.)

Instead we served vegis, chips, pizza and cake.

(It was killing me.)

I really wanted a President Snow Pinata.

(Couldn't find one.)

We did a Reaping and sorted kids into Districts.

The boys shot each other welty.

The girls painted and played.

The little ones wandered around having a blast.

We had the usual disdainful glances from passing neighbors who somehow seemed annoyed.

(Picture massive amounts of kids running around with weapons.)

We did have rules:

Shoot below the waist.

Try not to hit anyone small.

No human barriers for protection.

Well, it was a homemade kind of redneck fun party.

The archery had the biggest draw.

Corbin is a good shot. Who knew?

Colin had something spiritually important Sunday, so we ended the party early (6pm).

And we took Colin with us to eat so we could spend some time talking with him in preparation for his Sunday.

It was a perfect day.

Today was another great day.

Dan was with us.

The kids were content.

We had a memorable experience with our son and daughter.

It's now time for bed.

Cross my fingers that we sleep all night.

Friday

2012-02-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

Tuesday was our birthday day.

It was a great, busy day.

Sydney taught art masterpiece.

Cade had preschool.

4 kids had a running club race.

Colin had a wrestling tournament.

Sydney had class.

Reagan had practice.

Presley had practice and a concert.

We took the 2 birthday kids for dinner after all the little peeps fell asleep.

It's rare that we have days like that with so much going on,

and I was so glad that Dan had traded shifts and could be with us that day.

Wednesday this week was not my best.

Everyone needs a little break,

and mine is sleep....if I'm lucky.

Last night, I was sitting a soccer cuddling Ainsley.

Dan was kicking a ball around with Presley.

Corbin, Cade and Maryn were running around the sidelines.

Reagan was doing drills with her team.

Sydney was at guitar practice.

Colin and Caleb had a very rare night when there was nothing on the schedule for them.

They rounded up a few boys for an airsoft gun war.

The weather was absolutely perfect,

and I didn't have a care in the world.

I felt guilty for sitting and enjoying every second of that peaceful night.

Some moments are unforgettable.

This morning, Dan dragged me out of bed again at 4:30am.

He was completely dressed in his suit.

I quickly threw on a dress and brushed through my hair.

I was a little grumpy driving down to the temple.

It was a good morning to be in my favorite place.

I know I've said this before, but people pay big money for peace.

It comes so easily for me if I am just willing to stop for a minute and be in the right places.

As usual, we left the temple with all the faith in the world.

Dan is indestructible.

I think the world is full of good people.

Our perspective is clear and encouraging.

I always wonder what kind of person I would be without the temple in my life.

Every week it helps me remember my purpose here.

The kids struggled a little this morning.

2 weeks ago, I wiped the slate clean with the laundry for them.

I made it easy.

Every piece of clothing was clean and put away.

I have resisted the strong temptation to walk around and collect their clothes and wash them.

Today, they are running out of clothes.

Their laundry days are not for a few more days.

I know they will figure out what to do to get through the next few days until they have the privilege of using the machines.

Slowly, we are learning here.

It's been a challenge to adopt new language.

Dan is happy, because I am not barking orders.

I have heard my fair share of complaints from my little zombies.

The kids are not used to my 'sweet' voice.

I'm not used to it either.

I admit it is forced at times,

but it's better to maintain my dignity.

If there is something I would say to my sweet minions today, it is this:

I love you to pieces.

You are doing a great job.

Don't be hard on yourselves.

Just give your very best, honest effort.

I looked in on Hammie this morning.

He is perking up a bit I think.

I have a new theory about his injury.

His little paw had been enormously swollen.

In the people world, it was a wound that would have needed lanced.

I think the little guy naturally lanced his wound.

He still has a paw. He even uses it.

He's not completely well, but he is giving it his best effort.

If only people had the determination of hamsters.

I am proud of the little furball.

And on that note, I have a million things to do today.

Dan went to work, because it was a good thing to do.

I would normally protest, except that I know that when we are together, we have a tendency to distract each other.

If he had to choose between working Friday or Saturday, we felt today would be better.

We can play tomorrow when everyone is home together.

Happy Friday.

The iPhone is blasting music and we are ready to Rambo this day.

PS....Zombies if you are reading this....www.myjobchart.com. It will help you stay on task. Plus, it means money :)

sleepless

2012-02-09T00:09:00.001-08:00

By 8pm tonight, I was done.

Dan took over.

I can't remember how many days in a row I have been in this house with little or no break.

Ainsley has slept the last few nights which is a blessing.

Before that, she had been eating every 3 hours around the clock.

She hasn't taken a bottle in weeks.

I had/have an ear infection from being sick.

(I think it was a punishment for teasing Dan about his hearing.

Well, actually, it wasn't really teasing.

I've felt frustrated with his hearing,

mostly because I believe it's selective.

Maybe we are getting old,

but I refuse to believe that.)

Am I cranky?

I was sleeping, but the baby was fussy, so I got up and now I'm up.

It's kind of creepy in the middle of the night all alone here.

How do I shake my crabby-patty-ness?

Usually I try to remember all the gifts in my life or at least a few....

Ok. 1. Dan. He feeds me. I might starve otherwise. Plus he's funny.

2. The children. They love cheese. I love cheese. Sometimes we have chips with cheese. Sometimes it's with salsa.

3. The Terminator of all Spot Bots. You save me every day.

I am sure I can think of more, but the nocturnal kitten is motoring around the keyboard attacking me so I will be brief.

I meant to write the other day, but things get moving pretty fast around here sometimes.

I was thinking about a few people so much lately:

My friend who was the first to give to the Eagle Project. (Colin loves her forever) Why are you on my mind lately? How's the little peanut?

And my friend who lost her father-in-law. I hope you are finding peace.

And our sweet lady who makes the best beans. I had some for lunch yesterday. I always think of you. I hope you are well. We don't see you as often as we would like.

Well....I might try to sleep again.

It's not so smart to stay up all night.

Letters to Wednesday

2012-02-08T19:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Wednesday,

You broke my will this week. Thanks.

Defeatedly yours,

Feb 7.

2012-02-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

February 7th is always a good memory for me.

13 years ago, our first son was born on a Sunday at 4:23pm.

And 10 years ago, Reagan came into the world on the exact same day at 4:31am.

It was a Thursday.

I still see their tiny faces.

I am thankful this year to have sweet Ainsley to remind me what it felt like to hold them as babies.

And in Maryn I remember our daughters when they were small.

Corbin and Cade are at fun ages where everything is amazing.

I know I will miss these exhausting days.

Happy Birthday to my Colin and Reagan.

You have become my friends.

It's a privilege to be your mother.

I love you forever.

immediate

2012-02-06T07:39:00.000-08:00

Well, little Hammie is hanging in for now.

We had a good weekend.

The new parenting tools are effective and exhausting.

For example:

"I love you too much to argue with you."

It does shut down the whining.

And when it feels like nothing else is working and the whining/arguing/nagging is continuing,

I have no choice but to charge money.

$1 per minute.

It's just as hard for me to hold my tongue as it is for the kids.

But it's better not to say anything hurtful or contentious.

To my zombies with bank accounts that are a little less than they were before,

believe me when I tell you that I want you to keep every dollar you make.

Please try hard not to talk back. I will too.

For the most part, we have a pretty casual home.

These kids are especially good, so we rarely run into many major conflicts,

but keeping up with all that's required is tough sometimes.

And the distractions are many.

Remember our motto:

Work Hard, Play Hard.

For a little while, we will put our focus back on the work hard.

Little minions:

Agendas are extremely effective.

Every day, Dad and I write down a list of things we need to do that day.

Every week, we look at the calendar together, and plan out our time.

I promise if you do this, your minds will remember all the important things and your work will get finished on time, and there will still be time left over for the fun.

You can try dad's approach too which is,

"Plan your fun and work hard to make it possible."

We were on a good role and then woke up Sunday morning to sick kids.

Bummer.

So Corbin is still home today.

He is the cutest little dude.

This week, he starts soccer.

We can't wait to see him play.

And this week Reagan turns double digits.

When asked what she wanted for her birthday, she replied "New shin guards."

She such a happy girl.

And also this week Colin becomes a teenager.

We are happy to see him make so much progress in his short life.

This is a good week to be a mom.

So our goal for the next 14 days (since it takes that long to create a habit):

To act immediately on the promptings we receive.

Saturday

2012-02-04T04:16:00.000-08:00

It's dark and quiet here and I feel like I could stay in my warm bed all day.

Last night was a sad one here.
Our son was feeling heartbroken when he realized his little pet had taken a turn for the worst.
I noticed it yesterday.
In the last week, I've just tried to make him comfortable.
Our son was searching for that 'thing' that would take away his pain and fix his furry friend.
I searched for that too a few weeks ago.
We fasted and prayed for the little fur ball and he rallied,
but it's time for him to go.
I had to accept that our family would lose it's friend.
So I cleaned his cage all up and moved him where we would see him and remember him throughout his final time here.

Last night, our son's heart was crushingly heavy.
His first reaction was anger.
I felt impressed to go down to his room.
Earlier in the day, while he was gone, I had a feeling to clean his room.
When I found him, he was laying on his bed searching for answers on the computer.
We talked for a minute, and he wept a little in my arms.
He held my hand as we said a prayer that Hammie would pass peacefully.
I encouraged him to search for peace in the right places.
I promised him that he would find it in the scriptures and as he prayed.
This morning, our son went willingly at 4:30am to the temple with his dad and sister.

Losing a pet is a painful experience.
I feel grateful to be part of this right now.
I hope my children will learn where to look when their hearts are breaking and they need comfort.

This morning, I am remembering when my cat died.
I loved this cat so much.
On the day he died, my mom was with me as I cried.
I called my dad on the phone to share my sadness.
I was 22 years old and expecting a baby.
It was my parents that I needed most right then.
They were so amazing for helping me feel safe in times of sadness.

And then when my father passed, I thought I would never recover from the loss I felt so deeply in my soul.
Dan was my friend throughout those first hard years.
He endured hours of 'oldies' music,
and random moments when I was reduced to tears because something insignificant sparked a memory of my dad.

When my heart hurt more than I could bear, I laid my grief at the feet of my Savior and trusted that He would heal me.
It worked.
All our sadness and sickness and inadequacies are swallowed in the Atonement.
When I learned that I wasn't alone, it helped me survive.

Little zombies, Hammie will soon pass. It's okay to cry. Dad and I are sad too. We are proud of you for accepting a friend into your hearts even at the risk of knowing you would some day lose him. Never be afraid to love something or someone. All the good will always be worth the sadness of that painful separation we feel when the time is up.

And that brings me to another good thing that is happening around here.
My mother felt strongly that she should bring her Uncle Keith to live with her.
He's 88 and having a hard time.
When he arrived the other day, he looked near death.
6 months of sitting alone in a "care" facility has left him without much will to live.
His son was here and worked all week with my mom to set him up and help him rally.
Uncle Keith looks better already.

I had an interesting experience yesterday.
I went in to see him and was holding Ainsley in my arms.
Uncle Keith can't speak and neither can Ainsley, but I caught them looking right into each other's eyes. Their souls were communicating. I knew it instantly.
In that moment, I learned something I had never considered before.
Sometimes words interfere with our pure communication,
Or we rely on need to physically connect with someone.
In the eternal realm, our hearts are what speak.
A baby in the beginning and an old man trapped without language could understand each other better than the rest of us who can see, speak, hear and touch.

And so I spent the rest of the day working on a more pure form of communicating with those around me.

Now on to our Parenting Progress.....
I know I am in good company with the other graduate parents of the class who are also "Horrible Parents".
We are no longer "dancing the same old dance" as our instructor put it.
The children are feeling a little frustrated by the change and we are seeing some resistance.
Dan and I are staying committed and continue searching for the language to help us work with our kids.
The children are catching on quickly, and deep down I know they were needing a change too.
We sometimes slip into bad habits of hurtful behavior.
It's not how we are meant to interact with each other.

Today we will practice this:
"I love you too much to argue with you."
It's so true. We really do love them too much for that.
Hopefully, today's lesson will come with the genuine message attached that we love them enough to hold onto our peace. Peace is lost when we engage in contentious behavior.
It's so hard to think and act clearly when there is a bad spirit in the home.
We want every day to count for good.

Today I am feeling so grateful for this beautiful life.
We have family all around us,
a beautiful home,
wonderful children,
cars that run,
good work,
freedom to practice our religion,
opportunities for education,
and so much love in our relationships.
We are abundantly blessed.

:)

2012-02-01T14:07:00.001-08:00

It's fixed!
Everyone can quit worrying now.

Turns out front loaders have filters that need cleaned.

Feeling alive again....

Letters to Wednesday

2012-02-01T05:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Wednesday,

The time between my letters to you seems to be flying by at warp speed these last few months. Just last evening I looked down at Ainsley to notice how big she's getting. Last night was rough for her. She's been waking in the night and I let her cry a little. I would talk to her for comfort and let her know she wasn't alone. Tonight will be a bit better. In another week, we should be sleeping more than 3 hours at a stretch.

As I woke up this morning, I thought about these good kids. Other parents fight their kids to get up in the morning or get their homework done every day. Some parents have major issues with appropriate dress or attendance at church. I cannot forget how amazing these kids in so many ways. There are always areas we can improve on, but for the most part, the children are becoming responsible, and best of all, kind.

Wednesday, parenting class is over. It was 3 weeks of meeting and practicing and yesterday everyone was feeling a little sad to see it end. We want to have 1 follow up, reunion class in a month. It became a little support group where we could share our battle stories. Parenting isn't quite as much fun when the only person I can find to share my thoughts with is my imaginary friend (no offense).

Well Wednesday, you make a regular habit of kicking my can around. I don't mind. It's like doing a hard, puking workout that hurts for days. I love that kind of stuff. Today, if I can get through it, will be the key predictor that determines the success or failure of our weekend (that's what I tell myself).

Well as I type, one of the children came in ranting about missing gum. I tried not to laugh. I'm not laughing at him, but at myself and the fact that I used to get sucked into these little dramas. How ridiculous it seems now. Wow....the anger that wells when I remain calm and neutral. Uh oh, now someone needs to make restitution. Bummer.

Well, I will spend another day saying things like,

"how sad",

"uh oh",

"no worries, I'll take care of it"(that one costs money),

"sounds like you need a minute in time out",

"I'm sure you can find a solution to that",

"would you like a suggestion?",

"I would be happy to do blank when I am being treated with respect and your chores are done." (my personal favorite)

Wednesday, what is my goal these day? To have a self maintaining home that functions on mutual respect. I am just one person and if I use all my energy to run behind the children, picking up after them and putting out their fires, I have nothing left for the really important things. These weeks are hard and good.

Okay imaginary frienemy, this is me signing off today. Apparently my attempts at fixing the washer were unsuccessful and I am back to trouble shooting again today. De-sludging was not enough. There are more steps. :(

Be kind to me today, please.

Dejectedly yours,

Money

2012-01-31T13:45:00.000-08:00

A quick note for the day:

This morning was the last parenting class.
I have enjoyed it.
I learned today that work, money and service opportunities are crucial for kids.
Lots of times, a child's first experience with money will shape their future monetary dealings.

So we are going to make a better effort at giving the children resposibilites that earn rewards, and not necessarily the kind of rewards that come with dollar signs.

I need simplicity.
www.myjobcharts.com offers that for me.

Another note about how much money a kid can or should be responsible for:
$1 per year old per week (or 2 weeks).
And that money should become the basis for savings and spending.
Money management is a really hard concept to teach, but super important.

In a minute the kids will be walking in.
It was a little bit of a rough morning.
They came in about 11ish last night and most had projects due today.
All finished their work, but it took the better part of a rushed morning.

I am really thankful that for the most part, the kids are so willing to help.
I love my time with them.
I missed them this weekend,
but I was able to make some good changes that will have a long lasting effect.

Dan and the kids are having a bit of a hard time with their new found ownership of responsibility, but overall, I believe that it's worth the struggles.

The thing I found most remarkable about dealing with kids is the fact that they are universally predictable.
It's not just kids, it's human nature.
We want to look for someone to blame when things are hard or don't go our way.
We want an excuse.
Since excuses went out of style in 2011, it's best that we learn to adapt and overcome.

With that said,
I have to make dinner.

The washing machine broke after my marathon laundry day.
Bummer.
I am going to see if I can fix that while the pasta boils.

(And I just found the luckiest half full container of blue Gatorade. Can we do this? Yes we can :)

POST EDIT:

I wasn't fast enough with the Gatorade :(

BUT

I fixed the washer all by myself

(well Dan looked up the error code)

But I did it!

It's the most empowering thing I've done all year!

The drain hose was full of sludge.

It's always smelled kind of funny (I bought it used)

I hauled that washer right over to the sink and flushed out the sludge.

It was grosser than cleaning out the hamster cage (I did that yesterday).

And I did it.

And it works.

I don't have to worry about being reduced to tears again by the malfunction of a household appliance.

The children are picking up now and marking jobs off their job list.

I told them how a blind, but knowing, Grab Basket magically grows feet and arms and goes around acquiring their forgotten and misplaced items.

No Zombie #4, it does not "steal" your stuff.

When you leave your things out, it's like bequeathing them to a friend, or separate entity if you will.

Note from a happy mama: Colin pinned a guy and also lost by points in his second match to the same kid who pinned him last week. Way To Go, son. I love to watch you, and winning feels awesome.

Eyore Zombie: The world is a happy, good place. The new system will work....or I might get rich trying. Haha....I'm laughing WITH you.

Love you.

Well that's it for this day. It was an overall, sludgy success.

It's time for bed. I can't wait!!

More Love and Logic

2012-01-30T08:02:00.000-08:00

My editor is my first born zombie.
(She understands my humor....and occasional lack thereof,
and she has incredible language skills.)

I asked her what she thought of my last post.
"What was the message?"

She said, "It sounds like I don't want to take care of you kids anymore."

haha
....love that little zombie.

Well since my most faithful readers are in fact the minions who occupy this house,
this post is for you.....

I am going to make your lives as simple as possible.

(It helps that dad took you on a trip this weekend and left me home alone with just Sydney and the baby girls.
Do you know how much is possible when there is just a baby and a toddler to look after?
It was peaceful.
Of course I felt bad for missing the trip.
It's the first one in 17 years that I haven't attended.
But to look on the bright side,
Dan packed the children,
and since I was not there, I will never know what he forgot.)

If you do the following, you will have all kinds of time to do all the things you love.

How do I simplify raising 9 busy bees?

We have shower towels with names on them.
(The linen closet is locked.)

And the lockers hold the sports gear.

The shoe shelf holds the shoes.

The book shelves hold the books.

The toy bins hold the toys.

We have 2 vacuums,

And cleaning products in each bathroom.

If you put away your things, you will always find what you are looking for.

The older kids are trained to wash their laundry, although we haven't been enforcing that policy in quite some time.
And as of today, nearly all your clothes are clean and put away.
That means that you now have a "Laundry Day."
You can choose to wash your clothes once a week on your assigned day or just wear stinky clothes.
Remember that when you wash, it must be an entire load.
And the entire load (whether your clothes or not) must be dried, folded and put away.
We have a shelf in the laundryroom with a basket just for you.
Please choose to use it.

Oh....one more thing:
There is a new concept we are going to try.
It's called a "Grab Basket."
At the end of the day, we will do a 10 Second Tidy.
(It's really 10 minutes, but on the Big Comfy Couch, she did it in seconds because they used fast forward. We don't have that tho. Sorry)
After you go to bed,
the Grab Basket will be happy to inherit all the rest of the items left on the floor; shoes, socks, jackets, toys, books, etc.
The Grab Basket OWNS your things until you wait a week or $1 per item to get it out.

And finally, from parenting class I was directed to this:
myjobchart.com

The chores are set up.
You simply need to login and mark them off as they are completed.
I get an email at the end of the day that notifies me of the jobs that were or were not completed.
You earn points when you complete the tasks.
Points mean money.
Money is good.

And lastly,
You are amazing little creatures,
each with unique gifts to grace our world.
I feel really strongly that if we work on developing charity, we will be abundantly blessed.
To be honest,
I think we are already abundantly blessed,
we just don't always recognize it.

What kind of mother would I be if my children leave this home unprepared to meet the world?
(Zombie answers are invalid.)

I love you to pieces.

Collision

2012-01-29T06:15:00.000-08:00

Well, after an exhausting and somewhat defeating day on Thursday,

I stopped for a minute to reflect on all I had been learning and feeling lately.

This parenting class is helping me.

There was a moment on Tuesday during class when all my bad parenting moments came together and weighed heavily on my heart.

The redeeming part of that day was in the comfort of knowing that we can change,

and it really helps that our kids are still little.

There were several situations this week that caused me to stop and consider my words, motivations, actions and results.

Colin missed his morning classes Thursday. I enjoyed the time with him,

but it really wasn't a very productive time for him.

He was better off being in class.

I picked up the older kids early from school that day to hopefully find some peace before the busy afternoon exploded.

I sometimes miss them and worry if they will be sufficiently prepared for their activities.

On the afternoon off....we had a good pasta lunch together and then got a head start on the homework.

Later in the day,

I asked the kids for a little help with some chores,

specifically the van,

but it didn't exactly work out.

Really, I think it would have been best to keep them at school, and spend time with them that evening.

That Thursday afternoon, driving in the messy car I found myself reverting back to lecturing and yelling.

I was upset that the children had been specifically asked to help clean out the car, but deliberately chose not to.

I was frustrated that it was messy to begin with.

I believe it's a culmination of many disappointing factors when we have chaos here.

In my mind I thought, "Great....now I have to do all this by myself."

And I started planning time when I could bring order back into our world....again by myself.

I felt resentment, frustration, exhaustion, and the overwhelming emotional strain that is often felt by moms everywhere.

All of the sudden, out of nowhere, a thought occurred to me about my van.

I interrupted my own lecture to the children to say this,

"This car's purpose is to drive you guys and your friends around town to your various activities. I know how important it is to each of you that our car looks nice. It's frustrating to step on things and lose things in this car. I have an idea. If keeping the car clean is important to you, please help with that. And if it is not, then it will stay like this."

I removed myself emotionally from the circumstances.

I had to be okay with either choice.....and I was.

It felt like I was dropping a huge rock I had been carrying around for a long time.

I finally understand that I spend a major amount of energy shouldering problems that do not exactly belong to me.

As much as I like to help people, at some point, I have to let them own their own problems and carry their burdens.

It's good.

I have been practicing this with myself.

A week ago, I had a tough situation arise with a business transaction.

I wanted to make everyone happy,

but it was not possible.

I allowed myself to be sucked into the drama, but only for a minute.

I did not allow myself to be blamed,

and ultimately, it was the Love and Logic techniques that eventually provided the most useful resolution.

Amazingly, the situation worked out without me losing any dignity in arguing, blaming or criticizing.

I spent all week giving choices.

I said things like, "What a bummer" or "So Sad" or "hmmmmm" when people were unjustly heaping their frustrations back on me.

I tried NOT fix every situation that came along.

Friday morning I gathered the children and let them know how I was feeling and how things would be changing here.

We should be doing more because we are genuinely motivated from within.

I can no longer be the person they blame when they cannot find their shoes, homework, uniform, library book, etc....

I feel sad for them when they struggle,

and I would like to help where I can,

but I cannot bear the brunt of any one's frustrations.

Failing is not a good option,

and teaching moments are every where.

My real purpose in mothering is to prepare the children for their lives after childhood.

There are many choices they can make, and lots of good options.

We still have expectations here.

Think of it this way:

When you buy a new home,

there are certain structural requirements.

It must have a foundation, roof, walls, plumbing, electric, etc.

But we choose the color of our paint, they type of flooring, the fixtures.

We can choose to make it beautiful or plain, functional or frustrating.

Put this in terms of raising children?

There are certain expectations that are required of us as parents.

We provide safety, shelter, nutrition, and education.

Above that, a loving God has given direction for spiritual maturity.

We teach from the scriptures and the prophets about prayer, service, love, charity and the Gospel of Christ.

Beyond all that, Dan and I feel it's our responsibility to provide a better-than-average education, and growth experiences through sports and music.

I admit that I haven't always had the answers to questions like,

"Why do I have to do my homework? (or go to church or school or practice).

Thankfully, our kids rarely complain.

It's really a privilege to have all those blessings in our lives.

But every now and then I have to answer some hard questions.

Thankfully, we have choices.

Here are my feelings put into Love and Logic language:

We can choose to go happy or sad.

We can choose to participate with all our hearts or settle for mediocrity.

We can learn and grow from it or complain about it.

(One of my favorite quotes,

"Winners train. Losers complain.")

When it comes to the "House" part of life. We cannot change the structure.

We ARE building a house,

but the "Options" are unlimited.

It can be everything amazing,

or it can be a dilapidated shack.

We choose.

We Choose.

WE. CHOOSE.

A few months ago, when I was trying to figure myself out,

I found great peace when I made the enlightening discovery that I am a Chinese mother.

I had been wondering why I felt like I wasn't fitting in sometimes.

I am not a Western mother.

I am a Chinese mother.

It feels great to finally understand myself.

It gave the children comfort to understand me too.

We laughed and laughed about it for days.

They continue to tease me every now and then when we find ourselves in "Chinese" situations.

Now about Love and Logic.....

I am always willing to learn and try new things that will benefit our family.

If I can find the balance between Chinese mothering and Love and Logic, we have a better chance at being truly happy.

The Love and Logic mom tells me that I need to provide choices.

Chinese Mother tells me to set acceptable and ambitous limits on those choices.

For example, "What sport are you choosing between this season: Football or Wrestling?"

Or "Which days would you like to work out this week?"

Or "Would you like to read a long book in the car or several shorter books?"

Or "Tennis Camp or Basketball Camp?"

What would our "House" look like if I left free, open blocks of time without limitations?

A disaster.

Here's the most enlightening thought of my week:

My children came to me for a reason.

I have had distinct impressions about the people they are becoming.

I know my heart, my ambitions and my failings,

and for all those things, I have been developing into the mother I am meant to be.

We are blessed with high energy and excessive confidence to do impossible things.

I have no doubt that we were brought together on purpose.

It's confirmed to me over and over again.

When I let go of things that are important because I feel pressured, I am unhappy.

When I am unhappy, everyone is unhappy.

So there is a balance between my Chinese Mother and my Love and Logic Mother.

I think they are coliding for good.

I hope so.

Our very inspired Love and Logic teacher is helping me find the phrases I need for the impressions that are already planted in my mind and heart.

Forcing the children into submission has never been anything I desire,

but I am excessivily great at commanding small armies.

It would be easy for me to drive my children to fulfill all my ambitions, because they love me tremendously.

I am thankful that I feel satisfied with my own achievements in life.

I have never felt like reliving my childhood through my kids.

I don't believe in Trophy children either.

But success is awesome.

I do hope they want that too.

We are just here to help each other.

Perhaps with an emphasis on charity, we will find the success we are looking for.

And that was my epiphany this week.

I would not have realized it as easily if I had not stopped to devote a few hours out of my week to bettering my mothering.

Maybe it would have come sooner if I was stopping more often.

Moments

2012-01-27T13:19:00.000-08:00

The moment when you realize that you no longer have to shoulder everyone else's problems: liberating.....and sad.

Will they ever miss all the effort I have given?

Was it ever appreciated?

17 years of evolution.

I am proud of my little peeps who work so hard,

And a husband who gives so much.

My life is very blessed.

I finally had the epiphanical change of heart.

We really are here to help each other succeed.

To my little zombies:

I have given my heart to helping you.

I hope you will now give your heart to helping yourselves and each other.

I love you......even when it's hard.

Cereal

2012-01-26T08:12:00.000-08:00

Another long night,

But not as bad as some.

I'm posting from my phone,

Because its hard to stop and feed the baby and enjoy the thought that I have a pile of unfinished work.

So I do what I can given my limitations.

As Dan left for work he asked me if I needed him to show me how to use the washer and dryer.

Haha...no, you can do it when you get back.

Who am I kidding?

When the kids are sick

And we have places to be

And I'm here alone,

It's impossible to do what needs done sometimes.

I thought about staying up last night.

All-nighters kill my head.

That causes pain.

I remember pain.

No more all-nighters.

So it's a cereal-crunching-under-my-feet kind of day.

And maybe these little princess girls will feel better

And we can do something productive.

And if not,

I guess it's ok.

I stopped and rocked Maryn for a minute.

And now I'm rocking Ainsley.

In a minute I will go help Colin clean his room because he needs that.

And later I will pick up Sydney after dropping Cade.

Somehow I will pick up Sydney Again from school and have the elementary kids to their running race on time.

It will be a miracle to be on time to watch Colin's match just after that.

Homework, wrestling, dinner, bath, book, and bed.

Am I complaining? No way.

I love these days.

It's not a warm day with my toes in the sand of a beautiful beach,

But it's good.

Happy Thursday. Today is the day!

Letters to Wednesday

2012-01-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Wednesday,

For the first time in days, it's quiet. It's been a long week, and I am happy to move on from it. (Our weeks begin and end on different days because of the work Dan does.) I am not sure if we are at the beginning or the end, but today feels like one of those.

I sat for a minute holding Ainsley this morning. Her little hand was wrapped softly in mine. I felt so close to her. It's the same feeling I've had thousands of times, and I know it's the feeling I will miss the most when these children are grown and gone from our home.

I have been taking another parenting class. It's been helpful. I need good reminders on how to speak to the children. Yesterday was a good day with Reagan. It seems like we rarely get the chance to speak. I was happy to listen to her. This morning, Presley invited me in to visit her caterpillar at school. Of course I want to go see that. And today Caleb had trouble wanting to get out the door for school. I wish he could stay with me all day, but duty calls. Corbin is doing very well in school. It was a rough start in kindergarten, but he has settled into a nice routine and it pleases me to see him progress so much. I can attribute it entirely to Gramma who spends countless hours with him. Yesterday, Corbin stopped her from helping him and told her to "just sit" because he could do it himself. Way to go Corbin for finding your confidence. Sydney has been enjoying herself, and that is good. She even pulled out a planner and wrote some things down in it. That's a big step for a creative mind. Structure helps the innovative mind reach an even higher potential. And I have been impressed lately with her natural use of language and wit. She has a great spirit about her. Cade is back to school this week, but unusually quiet. It worries me when he isn't his normal ball of spunk and fire.

This week when our world got rocked, I did what I know to do. After the headache, we went to the hardware store and then started a project. It's good for us. We work together. We improve our home and bring a little more organization to our life. Parenting class reminded me that my time with the kids is so short. I have to make the most of this. Speaking of parenting class, I am trying new things. For example, I am replacing lectures with enforceable statements, such as "I would be happy to take you to your friends when you are treating me with respect and your chores are done." I used enforceable statements all last evening. Guess what? It works. I never have to say "no" again. The good things that the children want can be easily attained by their own choosing.

We did spend a lot of time in class talking about the hard things we deal with. My biggest challenge is maintaining order in this house. It used to be easy....before I worked and 5 kids ago. I could keep an immaculate house. But recent years have been harder. The truth is that the children are just like me. All success and failure in this home hinges on how well we keep it up. A new baby always takes a toll. The sleeplessness catches up. Bombs do less damage than we do some days :) Here's the positive: We keep trying. Sometimes we make the right improvements to simplify our lives. For me, this week it was 'lockers.' Yep, the kind you find at school. The standard, super heavy, compartmentalizing type. The ones that hold jackets, books and cleats. Yes, that is what I need. Or so I convinced myself. So when we needed a project to lift our spirits, I finally gave Dan full ownership of the garage. I do not care what he keeps or throws away. I did not care what color he painted it or how speckled or glossy the floor is. I just need something manageable. He took full advantage of my weak moment and quickly had that place cleared out and painted in just a matter of hours. I am sure when it is finished, there will be only residual traces of any female influence in that soon-to-be man cave. That....makes me happy.

Oh Wednesday, good news....Colin made the varsity wrestling team. He can thank me now for having the foresight a few months ago to drive him 3 times a week to the hood for an excellent program. He can thank his awesome coaches who believe that puking is no excuse for taking 43 extra seconds during a bathroom break. (43 up-downs were the penalty that night.) He can thank his Father in Heaven for strengthening his mental endurance when there were moments when quitting seemed like a better alternative to getting his rear end kicked in just seconds. Colin knows that wrestling is my new favorite. It's because it teaches so much. Boys begin to understand the full extent of their responsibilities as they wrestle through hard moments. Hours and hours of practice happen to prepare an athlete for 3 short minutes on the mat. It looks exhausting and fun. This weekend, Colin learned what it feels like to have his face smashed into the mat over an over. He got a little angry and fought hard. Every impossible match teaches something new. If we keep learning from our mistakes, then we are making good progress.

Well Wednesday, you are overflowing with activity today. Chorus and tutoring, Activity girls and mutual, wrestling and wrestling, plus everything else that a day can hold. Cade is begging me to stop and read him a book. I can't think of anything more important than that right now, so I had best end this letter now. Please be kind to me today.

Encouragingly yours,

Tuesday

2012-01-24T06:34:00.000-08:00

It's been an ugly week.

More than anything, I wanted to be skiing on my birthday,

but not all birthdays can be good.

You need some to make the others memorable.

What will I remember about mine?

Sitting with Maryn and Cade around an over sized cookie at the end of a long, bad day.

Dan took the pizza cutter and sliced it in slivers.

Maryn and Cade took a few slices each.

By the time I had taken one bite out of mine,

Maryn had eaten all she had,

and scooped up the rest of mine.

Happy Birthday mama.

I might think to complain,

if it wasn't for the fact that Dan treats me so nicely every day of the year.

He makes my world a good place to live in.

The fish are swirling around anxiously.

I should feed them,

except I am still upset.

It's going to take awhile to get over the Zombie fish,

But if I don't feed them,

they will eat a guppy,

and I can't stand oppression.

Stupid fish.

Hammie is back to running in his hamster wheel.

He will have a life-long injury, but he is alive.

Fat Hobbit needs a walk.

The kitten is getting faster.

We were in a funk over some hard news.

I'm still not over it.

Dear Zombie child who needs a hug:

It's okay.

We love you so much.

You are doing amazingly well.

This morning we got up and got out early.

None of us wanted to,

But all of us are better for having done so.

We find safety in consistent, good habits.

That way, when our world begins to fall apart,

we have something we can trust to keep us afloat.

Remember that song?

"If you're going through hell

Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there"

Today's goal: Make it quietly through our struggles without getting caught in a trap.

Have a good day today.

I love you.

One more day

2012-01-20T07:47:00.000-08:00

I slept all night-ish.

Ainsley didn't get up till 3:30am,

but that's a pretty standard Friday morning time.

My head and heart are always at the same place on Fridays,

but I couldn't physically be there today.

I did the next best thing,

and read my Book,

then woke the kids,

and headed out with Sydney to the gym.

Yesterday was busy.

I woke up needing a new motivation.

Craig and his list.......so awesome when I get an idea.

Dan is going to love my next project for him.

So when I combine parenting class with working out and add in my time in the scriptures, I'm a half decent parent.

This morning, Cade was trying to get my attention.

I almost brushed him off.

Instead, I stopped and looked down to see what he needed.

He was handing me a marker.

I forced my mind to wonder why?

He just wanted me to put it away.

That is a monumental step here.

I praised him for doing the right thing.

He might have otherwise colored on the wall again,

or at a minimum, Maryn would have.

Cade's reward? His name went into the ticket jar.

(Dan's design: When we catch them doing good things, he puts their name on a ticket for a prize drawing....they love it.)

And then I got down to Corbin's level and spoke with him.

The little boys helped me make breakfast.

Eggs (I had to call Dan and ask him exactly how to do that),

Sausage (I did all by myself)

Graham crackers (Corbin added)

And of course,

One ritz cracker each.

The little boys were very proud of their contribution.

Cade has been playing quietly ever since.

So....all we have to do is listen to them??

The fish tank has a big rubber band in it.

I'm kind of mad at the fish,

so I'm not taking it out.

Oh....I got the coolest thing ever.

It's the mother of all Spot Bots.

It's a Spot Bot on wheels.

It cleans large area of carpet.

Since it looks like we are keeping this carpet for awhile,

this little thing has become my new best friend.

And last night, we were at this cool old house.

They had a play house....the kind every kid dreams of.

I am now wondering how to make one.

Our kids loved it so much.

Well....time to go.

My iPod is charged.

The kids are happy.

I have a million things to do, none of which is overly important.

My real issue is that I am easily distracted.

Caleb yelled at me to stay on task in the middle of scripture time this morning.

The kitten had come in and I lost my focus.

Ok....rambling again.

Must work.

One more day. One more day. One more day.

Thursday

2012-01-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

What I am learning from parenting class:

"So sad".....when said, keeps responsibility with the person who rightfully owns the problem.

"Probably so".....I agree with you, but I won't argue with you, because this is what it is.

And my favorite...."You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."

I didn't learn that in this class.

That is from Sydney's first preschool teacher.

Last night, Maryn was having a bad dream.

I went in to get her.

She brought her blanket to my bed.

She laid there with her eyes wide open.

I finally asked if she wanted to go back to her crib.

Yes.

So I rocked her a long time and put her to bed again.

2-4am awake.

Long nights this year, I think.

Well, it's time to do something productive.

Have a great day!

Letters to Wednesday

2012-01-18T07:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Wednesday,

I wanted to send you a warm greeting before you begin. I am hoping for a good day today. We had a lovely service for the Zombie fish. To be honest,I was really disappointed it died. He survived many months when we didn't know he was alive in the tank. Big bummer. Everyone got a chance to share a few words. We sang 'Till We Meet Again'. Corbin was the pall bearer. He had a burial at sea. (The kitten did try to eat the deceased at the viewing, but we were quick to scoop him up and get him out.)

Last night was date night. We went for German food with some fire guys. It's always fun to go with people who have never been. They learn quickly that at the German restaurant, we do not make requests. For example, someone was hoping to substitute spaetzle for potatoes. No. I ordered my favorite Jaegerschnitzel. Dan order "The Same", but the waitress heard "Salmon." I ate salmon. No complaining. One person was asking about how the potatoes are prepared. Boiled. "Boiled" means quartered and boiled in water, then dumped on the plate. No seasoning. Boiled. There is a salad bar. It's unsure if you can go back for seconds. No one was brave enough to ask. You don't have to be German to work at the restaurant. You just have to act German. I love the German culture. No Excuses. No Complaining.

Well, I spent every last minute I could with Dan. I hate to even sleep before he leaves again. Dan is a smidgen jealous of Kevin though. This morning the kitten wanted to sleep on his pillow. I told Dan to scooch. Last night, the kitten wanted to play with Dan toes. I told him it was fine. We slept with the door open. And the kitten slept between us. He is cute.

My friend commented that I have managed to become the 'Crazy Lady with all the kids' AND pulled of being 'The Weird Cat Lady'. Haha. That's not easily done. No really, I am just trying to show compassion to the pets (so I can still get into Heaven someday).

This morning, Colin brought Hammie down in a basket and put him on the desk next to the computer. He thought I should spend time with him. On the upside, Hammie is perking up. His foot is still swollen and he can't bare weight on it, but he's looking happier. We continue to pray for the little furball.

Well, I have the 3 Littles home all day today. Cade's school is cancelled until they delouse. Great. And the elementary school is being plagued as well. If this current epidemic spreads as quickly as the last flu bug, we are all in trouble.

One last thing....Dan made a promotion at work this week. That means one really important thing: New Jammies for all of us. (We sleep in his work shirts). He also moves into the drivers seat of the fire engine. It's kind of sad. The driver never goes into the fires. Since they really don't see many fires, it's probably okay.

Oh, and from parenting class I learned some new stuff. First, it's not good to tell your children, "Go brush your slimy, rotting, yellow teeth." And when we sit down to dinner, the children should not complain about what has been prepared. I have to quit saying things like, "Dan, there is no way I am eating THAT." Or "Nooooo.....not food storage experiment night againnn." And I am never supposed to say, "G.r.o.s.s. Alright kids, load up, it's Panda night." Supposedly, it matters that I say nice things. (And I was just kidding about the "Panda" thing. We wouldn't really go there.)

One last notable remark....I am back up to my pre-baby Justin Bieber bench mark. 95 lbs today. The Justin Bieber bench goal? 120 lbs. I can do that. And the kids and I are making progress on our work out goal for 2012. 212 workouts. Whoever thought of that was a genius. It's the perfect kind of 'number' goal for me.

Well Wednesday, it's getting late and if I am not careful, I will get behind today. Ainsley just woke up crying and Maryn is "hungeee". Wednesday, please be kind to me today. I have some long days ahead of me this week.

Sincerely,

:(

2012-01-17T06:14:00.000-08:00

Did you know hamsters are nocturnal?
Kittens are too.
The baby is nocturnal,
and that means that we are back to Zombie mama again.

The last full night of sleep was 1 week ago.
Before that? Can't recall....

School is back.
I'm taking a parenting class.
It's not helping....hahaha.
Just kidding.

Last night I was reading Cade a book about sheep.
That made me think of lambs.
And then German food.
mmmmm

I think today will be a good day.
Because I found the charger for my iPod.

As I type, the kids just noticed that the Zombie fish is actually dead.
That makes me sad.

Well, Dan is calling.
Better move on.
We need to have a fish funeral before the kids set out to school today.

Hammie

2012-01-15T12:44:00.000-08:00

Well, it's quiet here.

I'm posting from my bed.

I was up 3 times in the night and barely slept which made 8am church nearly impossible.

I taught a lesson on "Loving your neighbors."

That was easy considering I live next door to family.

It was a happy, light lesson.

I love those kind.

This afternoon, my head is pounding.

I have a lovely rebound headache from last week.

That one was a trip.

Hey. Guess what?

I decided last week that I can do pull-ups.

And then I did one.

That's going to make the workouts much more fun.

Sydney cut her long golden hair.

Sad...... but I'm okay with it.

Everyone needs a change.

I was recently noticing that we have a very young household.

Maryn and the dog are 2.

Hammie is 1.

Ainsley is 5 months now.

The kitten is 2 months.

Cade is 4.

Corbin is 5.

Thats a lot of little peeps.

Well, I have only 1 shot at a nap and if my head would just calm down,

I might find a way thru this painful day.

Today we said good prayers for Hammie.

He's injured and I'm worried. (not just because I gauge my personal success on the life of the hamster).

I wouldn't want the furball in pain.

Hopefully the little dude pulls through.

High this week:

The kids went back to school.

Low this week:

The kids went back to school.

Another minute....

2012-01-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

Holding the peanut again.

I suppose I will do a little more catching up....

Dan took me to lunch this week.
It was a working lunch,
because we had some stuff to do for the office.

The coolest thing ever, is working with him.
He's super nice,
good with people,
organized,
smart,
hard working,
and really easy to get along with.
When we have a staff-lunch-meeting,
it's just me and him.
I love that.

Any way,
he said he was doing some searches in our area.
(Sometimes we get fliers from people who work out this way. Selling homes in our depressed market is tough. This area was built out just before the bottom dropped, and tons of our homes are short sales or bank owned. And lots of people come and go.)
When people knock on our door with advertising,
I kindly listen.
The kids wonder why I don't just tell everyone I am a broker.
I like to listen.
Advertising has never been my focus,
and we work word-of-mouth.
I was recently approached by someone who said I have a reputation for doing good work.
We negotiated a sale for them,
and I got to know their family a little better.
I am happy they will soon be in the 'hood'.
It was a tremendous compliment for me to that someone would base our reputation on the fact that we manage a large family pretty well.

Since Ainsley has been born,
Dan has been the primary contact on most files.
He is very good at it.
The other day he had a question.
I answered it.
He wondered how I know so many answers about real estate.
I said, "I know, it's weird, huh?"
He said, "You don't really study it or anything either."
I agreed. It's such an odd gift.
I actually like the work.
When it comes down to dealing with banks and negotiators, I seem to be able to make good connections.
People are often relieved of burdening stresses,
and homes find new families.
I especially love working in our own area,
where buyers and sellers are often times our neighbors.

Dan recently had a frustrated woman call.
He was so nice to her.
(In the fire world, he deals with difficult people all the time.)
It doesn't even rattle him.
This week, he finished the most impossible short sale ever.
People always like to take credit when something great happens.
He and I both feel the same way.
We can attribute all good things to a loving God.
He knows our needs and strengthens us in our weaknesses.

Back to my lunch story....
Dan said he searched and found that one name comes up as the highest closer for the last 3 years in this area.
That name belongs to the same person who shares his toothbrush.
(Is that bad?)
It's true,
Outside of my first job as chauffeur,
I double as a real estate broker.
I wish my house was as clean as the deals we close.
(That would be awesome).
We are blessed in so many ways.

Well back to work.
Tomorrow is Sunday.
I have to find matching socks today,
and prepare a lesson.
The topic is funny to me.

And tomorrow the big boys in the family will be moving Great Uncle Keith's stuff to my mom's house next door.
I love Uncle Keith.
When I am old, I hope someone will invite me to their home, and wipe my drool for me til I croak.
My mom is the best a taking care of old people, little people and stupid bad dogs.

Okay....on to this day.

Moments to freeze

2012-01-14T06:06:00.000-08:00

I can really only write when it's dark.

but even that is getting tough.

What's new??

Well the little boys moved into bunk beds.

Before I knew it, their little fire truck beds were disassembled and new Spiderman sheets were put on big beds.

I didn't think much of it until it was done.

And then I wanted to cry for a minute to close that chapter of our lives.

I love these little boys.

And I was thinking that the cradle is looking smallish for Ainsey,

so we started looking for a toddler bed for Maryn.

I bought one for $10 off a local FB group.

We set it up and she thought it was fun.

She has still slept in her crib the last few nights,

because I am not yet ready for the long night when we teach her to stay in her bed,

and she LUVS her crib.

Reagan wanted a kitten for Christmas.

I have emphatically been against that idea.

But I started to soften.

Honestly, it seems like most people in polite society frown on the idea of pets.

But I decided that we aren't most people.

Why do I care what other people think?

Oh right, I don't.

Our children would like pets.

And I love the children.

And pets need love too.

(That's what my sister told me,

and she laid a heavy dose of guilt on me by telling me that the pets 'feel' and they will stand as judges against us in Heaven....or at least that's the message I got, but I had just recently taught a lesson on "Judgement". Any way, I have been really nice to the pets lately, although the dumb dog tries my patience....a lot.)

I can't have stinky, messy pets.

We can avoid that problem.

So we now have a huge fat-hobbit dog (I call him "Fat Hobbit" because he is).

And we have a cat. (He's 'my precious').

And of course, Hammie.

Don't worry, we found him after only 24 hours missing.

(2012 was almost ruined on the very first day.)

And fish.

One day, my nephew brought over a bunch of fish, one by one.

Zombie fish has friends,

although his new friend fish are huge,

and might eat him,

like they ate the guppies.

(I'm not a fan of the big fish,

but the kids love them,

and the kitten loves them.)

So, we have a kitten.

His name is Kevin.

I really like the little guy.

He follows me around all day,

and uses his little box,

and plays,

and naps,

and doesn't eat anything,

....like shoes,

or furniture.

He's perfect.

Out of 9 children,

1 was bound to have allergies.

It's Corbin.

He was allergic to peanut butter as a baby.

I gave him small doses until he wasn't allergic anymore.

He spent the first week of the new kitten with swollen eyes.

He never complained.

I rode it out and eventually the allergies subsided.

I have, at times, been accused of having the emotional sensitivity of a brick wall.

It's true,

but sometimes we just have to stand with the "No Excuses" policy.

Usually, things work out, especially if we don't complain.

I am happy that we overcome our challenges.

Most people put eloquently, fancy-lettered sayings around their home.

The sayings Dan and I come up with would not exactly fit into the "eloquent" category.

If I could though, I would post this year's motto somewhere obvious in this house.

A big, bad, "NO EXCUSES" might be plastered above our front door or on a wall in the family room soon.

I really like that idea.

Anyway,

I suppose a lot has changed.

Our family is growing up.

I see our lives being blessed as we move into new phases.

I am not particularly loving my latest phase.

It's the "hair falling out" part of my life that I thought I would avoid this time.

Oh well....who needs hair, right?

I do wish I could freeze time.

My favorite moments are both exhausting and unforgettable.

I will miss these little peeps.

Maryn is adorable.

She carries Kevin all over the house.

The other day, Sydney and Reagan and I took time to put clothes on all her dolls and barbies. We found her tea set and organized her toys. Maryn is so easy to love.

Corbin says really funny things.

Lately, when he see's something really amazing,

he says, "What the H.E. Double Hockey Sticks!" only he doesn't say the double-hockey sticks part. He says the genuine word.

Our mouths hang open and we try not to laugh out loud.

Corbin isn't much for speaking,

but that he says really clearly.

I love that little dude.

We had a talk about it,

and hopefully it won't happen again.

When Corbin says it,

it shouldn't be a bad word.

He's so innocent and cute.

And no, Dan and I don't say that,

so we aren't sure where he learned that phrase,

or why he uses it so appropriately.

Well, I have so much more to write,

but the sun is coming up,

and I need to get a gazillion things done today.

Hopefully later, I will make it back here again.

Eagle Project wrap up

2012-01-10T17:29:00.000-08:00

I never feel I can spare the time to write,

and I miss it so much.

This is the place where I clear my head.

Today is Tuesday.

I last wrote on a Wednesday.

It had been a busy day.

Colin completed his Eagle Project that day and the Boy Scout troop delivered it.

That was such a great project.

I wish I had written right after.

(I will never do it justice now.)

Dan said that the boys were great at handing out the gifts to the homeless as they waited in line for their dinner.

That night was Rigatony's night. The food was awesome.

Colin learned a lot about the homeless that night.

He was especially touched by the families,

and the children who are growing up in harder places.

It's heart breaking to watch.

Somehow, for me, every time I do something for the homeless, I imagine that I am erasing the pain I feel for my own sweet brother who battles a mental illness and has been nearly on the street for years. Nothing I ever give or say or do every really mends the hurt for me. Still, I believe I am contributing in some way, and it's all I can really do.

Here is the 'Numbers' break down for Colin's project:

He originally set a 100 kit goal (I thought that was too ambitious, but I never told him.)

180 kits were accomplished.

70+ hands touched the kits in some way by sewing, assembling or delivering.

Dozens of people contributed.

The estimated monetary value was approximately $1800.

(That's a lot for a 12 year old to collect the week of Christmas).

In all, the project took about 263 combined hours (not including any time people took to gather/purchase/deliver donations)

Our family cannot express enough how much we appreciate everyone who contributed.

It was awesome!

After all these hours of working on merit badges,

Colin was able to test all his skills on this project.

He needed managements skills, public speaking, conversation, budgeting, organization, even knot tying.

It's amazing how much 1 kid can learn and demonstrate during an Eagle Project.

I was very pleased to see him work so hard and achieve so much.

We prayed a lot during the project that he would handle the stress and have his needs met.

For a relatively faithless boy, he could easily see his prayers being answered.

I will forever be grateful to all who participated.

A huge thanks to everyone who made that project possible.

It was really amazing.

Colin kept commenting on the generosity.

I think he will always have a soft place in his heart for the homeless of the world,

and for those who so selflessly give.

Letters to Wednesday

2011-12-28T06:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Wednesday,

It's dark and quiet. I'm writing to you from my bed. Ainsley is snuggled next to me. Reagan is at my feet. Cade is next to the baby. Somehow, he's convinced the others that he gets dads place when dad is gone.

I have a sink full of dishes to hide before Dan gets here. What do I want most today?

A little family togetherness time at the laundrymat. I have to call on a stray cat today and see if it's been approved for adoption. Just what I always wanted, right?

Ainsley is squealing at me :)

Well, more physics today. I actually don't mind it. I like the time with Sydney. When we add our science brains together, it almost equals 1 full brain.

The other night we were calculating the mass of an object based on theories of centripetal force. We worked formula after formula until we figured it out. She was very proud of herself.

Needless to say, the kitchen was neglected. If only I could keep all my plates spinning on their sticks in the air at the same time.....

Well, that's it for now.

Sincerely,

Monday

2011-12-26T07:26:00.000-08:00

Guess who's at the zoo on Christmas Eve?

Just us and the Indians,

and anyone else who practices a religion other than Christianity.

It was really quiet,

and the perfect, relaxing atmosphere where our kids feel comfortable.

They love to be outdoors.

We did find Drew.

I miss him.

And Christmas Eve is always fun.

Maryn kept taking the baby Jesus (and the manger) and walking off.

Corbin made an awesome wise man.

We all got Christmas pajamas.

Our final party of the evening was the last forever.

It's been a fun tradition and our kids will miss it.

Next year, it will be up to the next generation to put on something really cool.

I'm not sure it can happen,

but anything is possible :)

The kids rolled out of bed early on Christmas morning and got ready for church without any complaints.

(Merry Christmas to mommy.)

But by the time we got to church,

the littles were a train wreck.

Christmas Eve was fun and exhausting for them.

Dan and I exchanged the "Why do we do this?" look a few times as we passed in the halls with little cranky angels.

The girls sang beautifully in their program.

We survived :)

We took a vote on the way home from church whether to open gifts or eat.

The kids sorted the gifts and Dan made breakfast as quickly as possible.

We ate,

and then buried ourselves in wrapping paper.

Corbin said his "wish came true" when he opened his light saber.

Cade was super excited for his "Humungus Monster Truck!"

And the older kids spent their first Christmas not entirely over-joyed for their clothes,

but it's what they really wanted.

(Christmas isn't the same once you leave toys behind.)

So around Thanksgiving, my mom was telling me she couldn't decide what to get the kids for Christmas and she was thinking about giving them money.

I said, "NO WAY!"

I told her she needed to find the perfect "horse blanket" gift,

something they would want to keep forever.

(When I was about 8 years old, every person in my family got a blanket for Christmas. The boys got Tigers. The girls got horses. I still sleep with mine almost every day, and it goes on trips, and no one is allowed to use it, except for cuddling.)

So my mom set out to find the perfect 'horse blanket gift'.

I was out one day when I found it.

I called her and she met me there.

It's nearly impossible to find a blanket with a horse on it,

but we found some super soft blankets,

and a sweet girl that spent the last few weeks embroidering for us.

And yesterday,

we all got new 'horse blankets'.

Last night,

we all slept with them.

My gifts to my children:

New soft pillow cases with their names on them and perfect squishy pillows to go inside.

They also got new towels with their names on them.

(Dan thought that was kind of weird.)

I told him I had one,

and more than likely, the children would pack their towels in their things when they go away to college.

He didn't believe me,

but I took mine when I left home, and it was baby-pink.

(It wore out a few years ago, and I had to retire it).

So my goal this year was to give the children something they would use and love every day.

I knew it wouldn't be anything exciting to open on Christmas morning, but I was okay with that.

This morning, Caleb thanked me for his pillow.

When Dan comes home we will take the kids to the movie that we didn't see yesterday.

(Movie cards are the perfect gift for our kids.)

Sydney already read the book I gave her.

And of course the little boys are in heaven with new toys and crafts.

It was a blessed year.

Today is Monday.

What are we doing all day?

Physics.

Blehh.

I mean...."Cool. Physics. My favorite."

And the littles will play and nap.

The olders will NOT bug me about being bored.

This week,

Colin delivers his Eagle Project Kits.

That was a huge effort on his part,

and he is nearly complete on his goal.

After last night,

he needs only a minimum of 21 more McDonald's gift cards to go.

It's been amazing to see that prayers are answered.

I didn't want to tell Colin how hard it would be to put these kits together,

and how vulnerable we become when we rely on other people to meet our needs.

I encouraged him to exercise his faith,

and I said lots of my own prayers that this this project would be a good experience for him.

Honestly, I have seen him grow.

I finally understand Scouting.

This week, he will take his troop to deliver these kits/gifts.

He will know that his Heavenly Father heard his prayers,

and people answered his needs,

and I believe Colin will always have a tender place in his heart for the homeless of the world.

A heart-felt thanks to every person who helped make this project a reality.

It's the little things that make all the difference.

Well,

Curious George ends in 10 minutes,

and then it's game on.

Have a great Monday.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T04:28:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas 2011

Frosty

2011-12-24T03:48:00.001-08:00

It's Christmas Eve.

What on earth happened to 2011?

I was laying in bed at 2:30 this morning,

contemplating whether I should just get up.

Dan was snuggly and warm,

but he's a night owl,

and I'm an early bird.

I thought for a minute that Ainsley would wake up,

but she didn't.

I finally got up.

Anyway, I was trying to think of my successes in 2011.

I have one that I feel pretty good about.

Hammie is still alive.

Does it get better than that?

Of course it does, but it is still pretty cool that the Hamster survived his first year.

We did lots of stuff in 2011.

Every one made progress.

We have good work,

and a healthy family.

What more can I ask for?

Our Christmas Eve traditions are fun.

In the morning, we go to the zoo.

And then we come home and get ready to go to Dan's family.

I would like to try to find my brother today.

He hasn't been well.

And we end the night at a fun party.

I am always impressed with the kids on these holidays.

They are so well behaved wherever we go,

and they seem to genuinely love this day.

I am super excited about tomorrow too.

I love church on Christmas,

even the 8am kind.

And we will open presents after.

Dan makes a big breakfast and we take naps in the lull of the afternoon.

Lots of Christmas Days, we go to the movies,

but not tomorrow.

The family switched up the traditional pot-luck style Christmas dinner to Prime Rib,

and dinner will be awesome.

For some reason, the annual gift exchange got cancelled this year.

That's weird.

But I found something cool a long time ago,

and yesterday I bought the candy for it,

so we can still have some fun.

At the end of Christmas this year,

I have a giant Frosty the Snowman Pinata,

and to end this holiday season, we are going to beat that thing till it explodes candy all over the place.

Ahhhh......sounds like a perfect new tradition.

Maybe this time we will have the kids watch, while the parents whack Frosty.

hahaha.

I love Christmas.

Well, I better get moving.

I only found half the church clothes the other day.

The other half is in the laundry which didn't go to the laundrymat on Wednesday night because Cade still didn't feel well.

Colin is still looking for 90 McDonalds gift cards to complete his Eagle Project.

That's about $400 worth.

It's 'ambitious' to put it mildly.

I still believe it's possible.

Anything is possible.

Merry Christmas Eve.

screens

2011-12-23T12:50:00.000-08:00

This is usually the day I try to finish up the wrapping,

but thanks to my super awesome mom,

it's all done.

I am not sure what I will do this year if I am not staying up all night on Christmas Eve?

Thanks to a wonderful mother who went above and beyond this year.

Not only did she do all the wrapping,

(and make sure that each child had the same number of gifts to unwrap)

but she also spent SO MANY HOURS sewing bags for Colin' Eagle Project.

The collection and assembly day went off great.

Colin is still trying to collect gift cards for McDonalds,

but all kits were stocked.

We thought for a minute that we wouldn't be able to put in the soap.

How does a hygiene kit not have soap?

My sister stepped in and generously provided all the soap.

My younger brother drove Colin all around for the things he needed.

My older brother and his family showed up to assemble.

Family rocks!

Friends are amazing.

Complete strangers who help 'just because' are incredible.

Colin has seen so much kindness and generosity.

In all yesterday,

61 pairs of hands participated with the bags.

Dozens more donated.

It was truly inspiring to know that we are surrounded by such great people.

Well, I only have a minute.

I need to do some haircuts and laundry.

The house is 1/4 clean.

Tonight will be busy,

and I am hoping that this will be the year I avoid the all-nighter.

Thanks to the best kids on this street who stepped up and helped in so many ways this week.

Grandma is sick but her house is now clean.

I hope they love helping her.

So many hands make much lighter work.

And this morning as we cleaned here at this house,

we listened to Buddy Holly.

I missed my dad.

He would have loved this weekend!

I wish I had spent time with him during 'retired' years.

That would have been fun.

It's okay.

Oh....and I figured out that I am programmed with certain pre-sets.

EVERY Friday morning I wake up with the first same thought.

I can't always get there,

but I always want to be there.

This morning, my little alarm clock didn't wake me up early enough.

(It's the first time she has slept a 6 hour stretch in days....I am back to zombie-mode again.)

We were later than usual to head out to the temple,

but it's officially Christmas Break here,

So I wasn't worried.

I felt zero stress.

And then we walked right into some of my most favorite people.

It was the best morning ever.

I said my best prayer there,

and feel so excited for this weekend.

In my favorite place, I learned something new about myself.

In my mind there is something that looks like a security office where there are several camera screens.

I have 10 going at all times.

I can watch them all.

And then there are a few other screens that blink in and out of different people.

It's a blessing to be able to understand so many little people with all their demands.

Well, I need to get moving again.

Happy Friday.

Letters to Wednesday

2011-12-21T03:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Wednesday,

It's been awhile since I last wrote to you. I know we have had our issues in the past, but with the holiday season upon us, I would really like to make amends.

Today is an important day. It's the last full day of school for our precious toad stools. And, great news; the high-schooler can officially give the bird to the Fall semester (figuratively speaking that is....because I wouldn't really give anyone the bird). "Good rid dens," I say, because that was b.r.u.t.a.l. (And you know how much I enjoy suffering too.) It is officially time for a much needed break.

Well Wednesday, what have I learned from this last 4 months?

I might actually never sleep an entire night again.
Remind the children to read the syllabus BEFORE the class begins in case it's taught by someone who believes in busy work.
I love sports....doesn't matter which sport....any will do. (I wouldn't change that about our life.)
Scouting is an important time sucker.
Little people grow way too fast.
Every now and then, it's good to play.
Weight is hard to lose.
A busy house is nearly impossible to keep clean.
A messy house drives us all insane....literally.
The tender mercies of the Lord are all around me if I remember to look.

I know there are many more things that I have been taught and I wish I could name them all.

As Christmas approaches, I am thinking about my Savior and His mother. I picture in my mind, Mary, as she enters the stable: "A stable. Right. A stable. Okay....I can do this. It will be just fine. Good even. After all, it's better than not having a stable. And the animals are quite friendly. Stinky, but friendly. Deep breath. Here we go."

Can I really complain about my blessed circumstances?

She was there the day her son was crucified too. I am sure she was remembering the night He was born, holding Him in her arms for those precious hours. And His childhood in her home, and His ministry and life. How can you watch your son suffer? Only a faithful and sincere testimony could have carried her through that painful experience. Life is so temporary. Families are eternal.

So Wednesday, today is your day. My mind is always thinking a few days ahead (whether my body can accomplish all that's required or not). I am thinking about Sunday morning. Christmas morning. (Oh to be Sunday this year! Don't feel bad that you are just the work day before the main event this year. Sometimes we work.)

Sunday. 8am church. We will be there on time....in our best Christmas clothes. I need to find the teeny sweaters and the black socks. The girls need tights and hair things. What will I wear? Do the suits need to go to the cleaners? Today I need to prepare the church clothes so that morning can be peaceful.

Tomorrow is the big collection day for the Eagle project, and Colin asked me to pick a few things up this morning. I don't want to forget anything, and it is going to be busy, so I should finish my chores early.

Tonight is wrestling practice. It is closed to viewing, but I could go to the laundrymat down the street while I wait, or do the grocery shopping. Corbin, Cade and Maryn need to be in bed by 6pm tonight. No naps today, and their beds and rooms need cleaned so they can fall asleep quickly tonight.

Sydney has a party tonight. I think she has a present? I have a few more gifts to wrap.

Wednesday, I did not get the Christmas cards out this year. I won't beat myself up about it (I hope).

Well Wednesday, if it is possible, please be kind to me this day. I am SO over puking. Please can we be finished with this sickness today?

I have one more gift to find. It's obscure. I hope it exists.

Merry Christmas Wednesday. Only one more of you left in 2011 after today. We did it! And we are friends now. Isn't that great? To think....you used to be my hardest day.

Well...this is me signing off now.

With tired eyes and a heart of gratitude,

Yours truly

Monday night...no Tuesday. Ahhh....Who really cares?

2011-12-20T00:55:00.000-08:00

Been up for an hour in the worst pain.

The most severe of headaches come in the middle of the night.

I wake up with an excruciating pounding.

Almost no medication can relieve the pain.

But there is one,

that when I take it,

I know it will work,

at least for the day,

until a re-bound headache comes back.

But depending on how important the day is,

I have to choose to get through it,

and face the later headache,

hopefully more prepared.

I'm not sure what causes some weeks or months to be worse than others,

but I am definitely in a bad zone lately.

As I type, the meds are slowly helping,

and my heart is getting a little racey,

and my eyes can almost handle the light.

Thankfully, everyone is asleep.

With this medication,

when it completely kicks in,

my ampage hits an all time high.

I can sit feeling a little bug-eyed and confused,

not able to keep my thoughts in sequence,

or I can get up and start cleaning.

So I chose the bugsy, rambo feeling this night,

as much as it doesn't make sense,

because pain in the brain is the most horrible of feelings.

Even last week in the middle of that violent, wretched flu,

where I was wondering what death might actually feel like,

I still preferred the flu to an extended-period-migraine.

There is something I have learned about pain over the years,

and it has everything to do with endurance,

and so much of it is about Mind-Over-Matter.

I try to choose to remain calm.

The minute I break down,

the pain intensifies and lengthens it's grip on my mind.

I wonder how many years I can go like this?

We are in the trenches of raising kids.

Our days continue to get longer and harder.

The stresses rise with each new phase.

I search more faithfully for peace and relief,

and I find it in all the places that I have heard about my whole life.

It comes at church,

in the temple,

in my scriptures.

I also find peace in some rather obscure places;

around the dinner table,

tucked in close to a loved one in the darkness of night,

or on the couch with kids gathered all around to watch a movie.

It's on the ball fields,

or sitting at a loud game.

It's time with the kids,

and always with Dan.

My peace is all around me.

I just forget to remember it.

Deep breath.

The worst of this painful night is almost over.

We all have our issues.

I probably have lots,

but my hardest are these headaches.

I really can't afford to lose days.

Okay....let's move on.

We debated for weeks about a wrestling tournament in Vegas.

Dan knows that I hate that place.

In my memory it's mostly filthy and vile.

But it has something I love:

A temple.

And then it had something else I love now too:

Sports.

So I shocked Dan,

and agreed to a road trip.

The tournament:

I didn't realize that Vegas is the top of the food chain for wrestling.

My boys have 2 months of real experience,

but they are strong from months of training.

Vegas offers a Rookie division,

and so we signed them up.

They were excited to go.

We happened to be in the elevator with the promoter of the whole tournament.

And then he was at the weigh in as well.

He suggested that our boys double-bracket the Rookie and National Division.

He said it would give them more matches.

He was very convincing,

and I excitedly shook my head yes.

"Of course they would love that."

We got to the venue the next day.

"Double-Bracketing" can be very confusing.

We had 3 different boys on 5 different mats.

I was nervous for them,

and it took both Dan and me concentrating really hard to keep it all straight.

Colin and Caleb faced their matches courageously.

Definition of "courageously":

"Knowing you are about to take the beating of your life,

and still stepping out onto the mat anyway."

We were so proud of them.

Their Rookie matches were extremely competitive.

You can imagine what their National matches held for them.

What is gained from competing like that?

A full and complete understanding that people your own age and weight can do extraordinary things......and so can you if you want to.

We spent 8 long hours in order to learn something valuable.

They have seen the best,

and the best are not untouchable.

The winners had a fierceness.

Dan calls it a 'quiet confidence'.

They executed their moves with preciseness.

To win in that venue, you had to want and believe it was possible.

Again,

I cannot express enough my admiration for their bravery that day.

We saw many boys cry tears of frustration.

We witnessed many parents and their disappointment towards their sons.

Our boys kept their dignity in tact,

and we were so happy to see them face their fears.

Our children do some really hard things.

They inspire me every day.

Moving on.....

The ride home was....well.....interesting.

The teenage girls took turns barfing.

(I think that word is so funny.)

At one point,

Sydney was in the first bench.

Kiersten was on the third bench.

Colin was asleep on the floor in the row between them.

He woke up to Sydney puking all over his feet,

and moments later, Kiersten puked an inch from his head.

The poor kid rode the rest of the way home curled tightly in a ball,

hoping that no one else would throw up on him.

We passed out Zophran like tic-tacs for the entire trip.

The flu hit Dan just as we pulled into Vegas.

Our first stop was the temple.

It was really important to me that we take the kids there,

before we saw the rest of Vegas.

We said a little prayer in the car that Dan would be okay.

The temple was beautiful.

The kids and Dan went in ahead of me.

They got dressed and I joined them after a few minutes.

We sat and waited for Dan.

I finally said, "You know, he isn't feeling well. Maybe we should start without him."

So we did.

Dan, looking a little green, joined us later.

He got through the baptisms.

Now the flu we had was of a violent nature.

It strikes suddenly,

and ferociously,

but is relatively short lived.

We left the temple.

As we drove away from that beautiful place,

I asked Dan, "So what happened to you in there?"

He said, "Let's just say that every penny of my tithing is going to fix that toilet in the Las Vegas temple."

He proceeded to give me a play-by-play accounting of what happened,

until I was laughing so hard that there were tears.

(He can be so hilariously descriptive).

And so we headed down from the million dollar homes surrounding the temple to the ghetto of the Strip.

Thankfully, in the parking lot of the temple, we met a man.

He encouraged us to find the beauty of Las Vegas,

rather than focussing on the trash.

It was super good advice.

So we searched for the hotel,

and all along the way,

the kids eyes flashed with the imagery of that place.

The blinking lights,

and colorful people.

(We did finally have to stop Colin from reading all the signs.

He was cracking us up.)

Vegas is not a friendly place.

Not

NOT.

But we made the best of it.

I took the older kids down to walk the Strip.

It's changed a lot in 14 years.

The architecture is amazing.

It is a place of wonder.

We felt sad for the people who make their living in such desperate circumstances.

If only they knew or wanted a happier, healthier life.

Well,

we made it home to our quiet house by 2am.

I was up by 6am the next morning to get ready for church.

It was an important day for Colin.

He needed to be at church to announce his Eagle project.

Sydney needed to go to help.

I was teaching.

I have this theory:

If we can't get up on Sunday mornings to be in the place we are meant to be,

we are doing the wrong things on Saturday.

Something has to give,

and it can't be church.

I was very happy that the kids gave little resistance that morning.

It was a challenge to be at church,

and it was the best thing we could have done.

(I will say....I loved the afternoon nap that day.)

Well....my heart is really racing now.

My fingers keep typing the wrong keys,

and my thoughts keep skipping around.

I might have to end this post.

Dear Zombie #1,

I love you so much. You always amaze me. Your hardest, longest semester is nearly over. You finished strong and Dad and I are so happy for you. There is always a period when the burn-out sets in. You have 2 years of great experience under your belt. We really feel like you need a semester to enjoy. We will pray for you to decide what will be best for the next few months. We trust you to make that decision, and encourage you slow down for a minute. We love you, sweet girl.

Dear Zombie #2,

You came through the toughest week of your life last week. Setting up your Eagle Scout Project was no simple thing. I am actually overwhelmed by the number of steps it took. It's incredible to know that you are at this point at such a young age. Your strengths lie in your organizational skills, and your ability to see so many steps ahead. When the women asked about your project, I told them the truth. Putting this project together is right up your ally. I am humbled by your desire to go above your original goal. 175 kits is ambitious, but I understand how you are. You would never leave anybody out. Dad noticed something about you. Some people are outwardly very spiritual. Others express their faith by serving. Dad pointed out how much you love serving in the temple. You are always willing to help with a move, or set up chairs, or perform your priesthood responsibilities. You serve God by serving those around you. It is good. We encourage you to continue that, and also add some time in the scriptures, and finding words to share you testimony with others. You are growing to be a great man someday. With God, everything is possible. Remember to pray to Him. He is your best resource in this life.

Zombie #3

I love you so much, and lately, I see your frustrations. Be patient as you finish this last year in elementary school. You are an amazingly gifted person. You have a tenderness for your Savior and His sacrifice for you. One of your many gifts is your obedience. It will be tested because it is your strength. Remember that we attacked in the areas that are strongest. Pray every day that your gifts will be protected. I encourage you to write, because your inspiration will come to you that way. I also encourage you to continue to be a great example of kindness. "Quiet Confidence" is learned and granted with hard work, and hard work requires a ridiculous amount of discipline. Dad and I love you so much.

Zombie #4

Aren't you glad it is almost Christmas? I am. I want to spend this weekend with all of you. You have been especially supportive lately and all of us appreciate it. Thank you for being so dedicated. It eases my anxiety to know that you are so careful with your time and responsibilities. I wanted to tell you how great it is to hear you sing lately. Your talents are numerous and it seems like you discover new things all the time. You live in a time of great advancement. Sometimes it is hard for me to keep up, but you seem to adapt so quickly. It is inspiring for me to watch you grow. I love you so much.

Zombie #5

You are my sweet little shadow. You are the constant in my world, unchanging and reliable. I know I can count on you, and that brings me tremendous comfort. As this Christmas time approaches, I want to give you everything that will make you happy. You make it so easy for me, because you tell me that you already feel happy for your life. Your gratitude is your grace and it lifts those around you. I miss my time with you when I read my Book and you read yours. Let's do that some more. It's almost time for you to choose about your baptism. I know you are excited, and I encourage you to finish the Book of Mormon, and know for yourself if it real. I can tell you from my experience, that Jesus was born of Mary, and was sent as God's Son to save us in this life. He really lived. He really died for us. The Book of Mormon is another witness of His life and gospel, and it speaks to my soul. I could not possibly get through my days without my understanding of who I am, where I came from, and what I am meant to do in this life. I struggle through my days, because I love Heavenly Father, even though I can't remember Him. I know He hears me when I pray and I feel His love every day. I feel it from you too. I hope that you will feel all these things, and I think you already do. I love you, little angel. Thank you for being part of my world.

Zombie # 6

I have been praying for you for many months. I pray for your speech and your safety. Today, you made the 'f' sound. I wanted to jump up and down. You are working hard, and many things are becoming more clear for you. I love to see that. I also love your honesty and the funny things you say to us. We cannot help but feel happy when we are with you. I love you little cute zombie

Zombie #7

You are very sick this night, and I am very worried. You spent all day on the couch, not moving except to take a sip every now and then. I was relieved to see your fever break a little. I hope you are on the mend today, because it worries me to think about your suffering, and I cannot comprehend being without you. I hope it never happens that I am separated from any of you. It would break my heart to pieces. I love you, little monster zombie.

Zombie #8

You have decided to kick my energy up a notch in order to keep up with you. I can tell you are creative and spunky and dangerously intelligent. We are in for some fun with you. Lately, you show signs of organization on a Colinesque level. You have an order in your little mind that makes perfect sense. I can almost understand your thoughts and actions if I observe well enough. Your language skills are high. Your kisses are sincere. Your voice is sweet and calming. I love to spend time with you and listen to your funny sentences. I love every cute part of you.

Zombie #9

You light up our home with your sweet little smile. Your laugh is intoxicating and distracting, and it is sometimes hard to get anything done during the day. Our family would have a ginormous hole without you. I love you ever so much.

Big Zombie: I miss you. Maybe we will get our bedroom back when this sickness finally leaves us. Until then, you are my very best friend through these long winter months and so many years. I love you forever.

Well,

the medicine has sufficiently masked the pain in my head.

Writing calmed my nerves,

and I am ready to try to sleep.

If not,

it's me and a bottle of bleach for the rest of the night.

I am needing put the smackdown on this shamble of a house.

We have something big coming this weekend,

and it's not just the fat guy in the red suit.

If you read all the way this far.....thanks a ton.

That was uber boring stuff.

Have a great day.

Gastric Geysers and Technicolor Yawns

2011-12-16T02:11:00.000-08:00

I don't mean to neglect this blog.

It feels like there are never enough minutes in a day,

or days in a week,

or socks in the sock basket,

or eggs in the carton....

(You get my point)

Tonight,

it's just me and zombie fish.

He's happy we started feeding him again.

I think we set an all-time record this week with puking.

You know that story on Goonies,

where the guy pukes and then all the other people start puking too?

There is also a classic scene from that TV show "The Office",

and another scene from my favorite movie "Cheaper By The Dozen".

Yep...that was us.

Sydney called me when I was out to say that Cade was sick.

My reply, "No puking on the carpet or furniture. GET THAT KID A BOWL."

She threw up from helping clean that up.

Reagan threw up from watching.

I picked up boys from wrestling and we drove in silence the whole way home.

I ran up stairs and made it just in time.

Of course....no more Olive Garden salad for me any time soon.

Cade and I took turns using the same bowl.

He was weak and barely awake.

Poor little dude.

Caleb spent the night Mt. St. Hurling,

and Presley made me miss the Spot Bot ever so much.

4 genuine barfers,

and 2 that joined in just for the heck of it.

I can't remember being that sick.

At one point, I finally understood what dying will feel like.

So Dan came home from work, armed with Gatorade,

and started washing sheets and making banana bread.

He is the best.

His IV skills come in handy for the super-dehydrated of the world.

Well that was entirely TMI.

Talking about driving the porcelain bus isn't something we are shy about,

that that night was excessive,

even by my standards.

So after losing a day,

and all kids missing school,

I am up at 3am to get ready for this weekend.

The boys have a wrestling tournament that requires a drive.

Finals are fast approaching.

Colin has been working furiously to meet the strict demands of an Eagle Scout Project,

which he can officially announce hopefully by 8am this morning.

A super huge thanks to those who have expressed interest in helping him with that.

It makes an overwhelming task more manageable to know that people are supportive.

Well, I always have cute things I want to write down,

but it's been such a dizzying few days that I can't exactly remember right now.

Corbin was sick a few days ago.

He would wake up a little incoherent.

He raised his head once and asked why Jesus made the small bugs?

I told him, "So we would have something to watch."

He immediately replied, "Well, why the poisonous ones then?"

Good question, son.

His last dreamy thought, "And why rattlesnakes and scorpions??"

You got me there kid....no idea.

Sydney is nearly finished with what she calls her "worst semester."

Amen to that.

She had some crazy instructors this time.

I did what every good Chinese mother would do,

and dug in hard.

Even radical hippie teachers can give 'A's.

Nice work, kid, for not giving up.

And she learned SO MUCH MATH.

I love math,

but that was way over the top.

Colin's grades are on the bubble.

Sickness won't help his cause,

but he has given excellent effort and hopefully it will pay off.

Caleb has my dad's hands,

and when I hold them,

I think of him.

I love that.

Reagan is looking more and more like me.

I see myself every morning as I comb her hair.

She is sweet and easy to spend time with.

We don't have to do homework together yet,

and I like that we can just hang out, stress free.

This week, Dan sent me to lunch with Presley.

He was worried about her.

I told him he didn't need to.

I asked her lots of questions.

She gave answers like,

"I am happy. I don't have anything that bothers me. I don't really want anything for Christmas, because I have everything I need already."

I love that.

I was driving around when Elvis started singing "Oh Come All Ye Faithful."

Very clearly, Maryn said, "I like this song."

I said, "I like this song too."

She is adorable.

And Ainsley has been entertaining everyone with her cute little laugh.

She is an angel.

Poor Dan.

'nuff said.

Why he keeps coming home, I have no idea.

I love him more than I love my pillow,

and that's a really super lot of love.

Thanks for taking care of us.

Today will be a good day,

because, let's be honest,

we've seen some pretty disgusting and painful days this week.

Happy Friday.

Today is the day :)

Friday

2011-12-09T07:46:00.000-08:00

I think about sitting down to post,

but that would require sitting down,

and I can't actually afford to do that much.

I have to write a few things down before I forget.

This morning Corbin said, "P-rease tell me G-ramma is home tomorrow!"

(She does homework with him and she has been gone a lot)

And a few weeks ago I was giving my best effort to keeping the kids off my phone.

It has a passcode.

Colin admitted that he has been wiping the screen clean before he hands it to me,

and then lifting the fingerprints in order to break the code.

The other night I changed my passcode again.

Colin borrowed my phone.

A minute later he said, "Mom, you better change it to 2013 now. That wasn't even challenging."

(My code was 2012.)

And Caleb is going through the less-than-motivated phase.

The primary leaders came to find me at church on Sunday.

Apparently Caleb and his cousin were holding a meeting outside.

We invited them back in.

I mentioned it to Dan.

He said it's normal for that age.

The 11 year old boys are ready to move out of Primary.

He also happens to be in 6th grade,

which is the last grade of elementary school.

He has Senioritis for sure.

Son, school starts at 8:15am.

Please show up on time.

Dan and I recently discovered that children should have bed times.

So I assigned everyone a time.

Last night,

Presley was rushing in to get jammies on so she would be in bed on time.

And amazingly enough,

the children went to sleep with lights out in their beds by a very reasonable hour.

It's weird that children want to be told to go to bed.

I love my bed.

And my pillow.

No one ever had to tell me to go to bed,

but we did have a bed time as children.

I believed it was the law,

and so I was obedient.

These kids are beginning to appreciate their beds,

(because I frequently pull them out before 5:30am).

hahaha.....if only I believed in sleeping late.

Well, this isn't much of a post.

I have a gazillion things to do before Dan comes home tomorrow,

and we ran out of graham crackers so I have to resort to plan B,

which is cooking a real meal.

This weekend will be full of Christmas music, parties, sports, math, science and scouts.

I suppose I should scrub some toilets and do a little laundry.

The sock basket is dangerously low also,

and that becomes a big issue around here.

If I sit again later, I will post a bit more.

The good news is that I feel excited about the holidays again.

(Apparently, it was just the shopping that had me feeling anxious.)

Random Saturday thoughts

2011-12-03T04:57:00.000-08:00

I've been awake awhile.

This morning I figured out that it really is the children who trained me to be an early bird.

Each one has contributed in their own way to my years of dark, cold mornings.

It's been so many accumulated years that it has become permanently etched into my mind and sleeping in is impossible.

Well, as Christmas approaches, I have to find a way to drive the Grinchyness out of my heart.

Christmas shopping made me cranky.

I love giving,

but buying was hard this year.

Is there anything we really need?

Why is Christmas so commercialized?

Can't we somehow get back to the basics?

Maybe since the shopping part is over, I will be able to focus more on the real spirit of the Season.

Plus, we picked up the Blue Christmas Elvis CD yesterday,

and that made me happy.

Some years, I have carried this Bah-Humbug feeling right up until Christmas morning.

Thankfully, this year, Christmas is on a Sunday.

We have 8am church.

I wondered how we would work through that,

but I am actually really excited for a reason to slow that day down a little.

I love Sundays,

and it will be a perfect way to start this Christmas day.

And gratefully, Colin has decided on an Eagle Scout project centered around giving.

For years we have put together stockings for the homeless.

On Christmas Eve, we drive around and give them out.

It always touches my heart.

It must have been a meaningful experience to our kids, because Colin picked that as his project on a larger scale.

100 gifts to be given to homeless men and women on the streets on Christmas Eve.

I usually spend about $10 per stocking and I do about 10,

so 100 is quite an undertaking for him.

He has the opportunity to demonstrate his leadership skills in organizing this effort.

I have the opportunity to pray really hard that people will step up to help.

He needs to raise about $1000 the week of Christmas,

and organize the sewing of the Christmas bags

and the assembling of all the contents.

And then find 100 homeless people to give to.

An Eagle project is an interesting concept.

Moms and Dads cannot participate in the organization of it.

We can drive and provide man hours,

but basically the Scout must start and finish on their own.

Colin is super organized and has an amazing ability to plan and coordinate.

I know he will do a great job.

So, it's Saturday.

This is the day we sing the primary song about this special day as we do all our chores.

(Most of us are pretty scary singers,

and the kids are not always very excited about chores :)

This is also the day that the boys can lift heavy,

so I'm thinking we will head to the gym.

It makes me happy to start and end Saturdays there.

Since the temple is closed,

and I have extra anxiety,

we will do the best we can to improvise with all the other stuff that might make me feel better.

Happy Saturday.

Tomorrow

2011-12-01T05:10:00.000-08:00

It's Thursday.

Where does time go?

And why can't I hold on to it?

A week ago was Thanksgiving.

It was a great day.

The week had been busy and I was excited to spend time with the family.

I have a funny video of our family riding to Thanksgiving, singing at the top of their lungs.

(Well, it's how we ride to lots of places).

And one of my favorite memories is of Black Friday shopping.

Dan and I took 9 teens and pre-teens.

They had never been,

and Black Friday is so peculiar that everyone should experience it.

On the way home,

The kids nearly blew the windows out singing Adelle.

Dan and I couldn't help but smile.

Even the boys were singing.

I told him that it was not odd,

considering I had 8 boy scouts in my van just days earlier,

all belting out that same Adelle song at the top of their crackly vocal chords.

Kids are funny.

Thanksgiving was super fun.

Friday after, we got up early and had a nice breakfast.

I had family staying here,

and I fed 18 that morning.

Somehow, Jenny and Dan and I ended up with 24 kids on a hike.

It took 3 big vehicles to transport all those peeps.

The older ones complained a little.

The little ones loved it.

We came home exhausted.

What a great day.

And last weekend was our first wrestling tournament.

That was super fun, and our boys did well.

Corbin was incredibly adorable.

Wrestling is my new favorite sport this month :)

I taught a lesson on Sunday in church.

I admit, it wasn't my best.

I usually enjoy teaching,

but I didn't feel like being witty or entertaining.

I taught like it was my last time.

haha

Maybe it was :)

Well, it's Thursday and I have managed to get myself into a little funk.

Thinking about the commercialism of Christmas,

combined with the stress of the semester ending,

has me feeling overwhelmed.

When did this time of year get so complicated?

So I will do what I know,

and hope it kicks me out of this.

Zombie #1

I love you. You amaze me, and I am so happy to have you back again. I missed you.

Zombie #2

You are working tremendously hard. When I stop and consider all you are, it is hard for me to feel anything but love. You give all you have to school and sports and scouts. You keep your room clean and your appearance nice. You are always willing to protect those who need help. You always know where I left my important stuff when I can't find it. Thank you for serving in so many ways. I love you.

Zombie #3

I love going to the gym with you. You are so easy to work out with, because you never complain about the crazy work outs. On Saturday night, Sydney commented on your endurance on the elliptical. You had been on a really long time. She laughed when I told her that you were really watching "Elf" on the TV in front of you. Thank you for being such a strength to me. I love you.

Zombie #4

I never worry about you. You finish your work, and you play and you are happy to be around. You have a great spirit and I love spending time with you. Thank you especially for being kind to your younger brothers and sisters. They love you so much. I love you too.

Zombie #5

You have been making me smile lately. You are so easy to be around. I am sorry for your frustrating moments sometimes. You have a gift for seeing what's coming. It's extremely useful and yet frustrating at the same time. Thank you for staying with me and being the girl I can always rely on. I love you.

Zombie #6

You are so cute. My favorite moments with you the last few months have been in the wrestling room. Someone forgot to tell you that you are a little guy, because in your mind, you are big and fearless. I worry sometimes that we should have spent more time watching "Pooh Bear" and less time watching Star Wars. You say the funniest things and I can't help but feel infected by your happyness. I love you.

Zombie #7

We spend lots of time together. I love you because you are honest and I never have to guess with you. Lately, I remember why I have all of you. Maybe in another environment, many of you would not have thrived, but here, we try to be patient. We give a long leash and forgive easily. You are spirited, like the others, and I love you.

Zombie #8

You are an angel. Lately, you tell me everything. My favorite, "I'm hungee." You love your bed, just like me. Dad tried to put you to bed without your own pillow and blankets and you had your first, real tantrum. I will try to help him understand about those kinds of things. You are precious and little and I love you.

Zombie #9

I don't go anywhere or do anything without you most of the time. In the early mornings, you smile and talk to me. You love the swing in Maryn's room and lately I am remembering that little squirts like you need toys, so I will round up some overly entertaining kinds of contraptions so you can make some noise and have some fun. I love you for keeping me young. I was 22 the first time I did this. The other night, you were with Dad and I at dinner. (You are always with us at dinner, and I imagine you always will be until we are old.) There was an older family with grown kids in the booth next to us. I was thinking that someday, we will be an older family with grown kids. Sydney will be 33ish. You will be 18ish. She will have some kids. (By 33, I had 6). I am only 37 now. I think time is rapidly speeding by.

To the one who regularly invades my inner thoughts:

I am always here.

I love you.

Well, time to get on with this day.

Tomorrow, I am back to being a single mom again.

"Single Mom" makes "Chinese Mom" crazy.

Happy Thursday.

Stuck

2011-11-21T07:19:00.001-08:00

It's Monday.

More than anything this morning, I wanted to take the older kids to the gym,

but really,

I'm sore.

So maybe later tonight.

(I am having trouble typing because I use my phone so often. I think that this computer is going to capitalize and punctuate for me, but it doesn't.

Anyway,

I spent some time with my journal and my Book at 4am this morn,

and finished a letter I had been working on.

(I have a gift for writing persuasive letters,

but I need devoted quiet time for it,

and Ainsley kept smiling at me and waiting for me to look at her.)

So this past week was good.

It is so busy that my house resembles a fallout zone.

Today, me and my best friend, bleach, are going to spend some time together.

Wanna hear about the weekend?

Of course you do.

On Friday about 2:40 pm, I did my warm up exercises as Dan jokes;

Stretches,

jumps,

boxing-kung-fu jabs.

(It's what we do just before the bell rings and the schools releases the children into the wild.)

Every time that song pops into mind, "Who let the dogs out. Who? Who? Who? Who?"

And then the kids walked through the door a few moments later.

We did some stuff and put dinner together.

Dan loaded the laundry for me.

At 5:05pm I headed to the hood for wrestling practice.

We dropped Corbin and Cade and Caleb

and I took 5 others with me to the laundrymat.

Our neighbor was with us.

She had been wanting Presley to play with her,

but Presley said, "No way. I love the laundrymat."

So our sweet little neighbor, (who has a house cleaner and a super nice sports car) got her first lesson in "LAUNDRY....for the Fast and the Furious."

We started it in the washers (only 12 loads),

and drove back to wresting to exchange the little boys for the big boys.

We worked as fast as we could to get it all dried and folded and back in the car.

And then we picked up Colin and Caleb and hit the donut shop on the way home.

These kids will do anything for a donut.

And then Sydney finished her physics with her dad and we all went to bed exhausted.

Saturday.

4am wake up call for the temple.

Sydney was too hammered, so let her sleep in.

But Colin went.

I met Dan at the gym at 6am with Caleb and Sydney.

(She was SUPER grouchy)

After some time on the treadmill, she perked up.

We finished a fun work out.

Sometimes we have to remember that we aren't raising body builders.

And we aren't raising cows.

I'm not sure what are doing, actually.

hahaha....just kidding.

The gym is fun, but the workouts aren't producing much yet.

The kids are still learning the correct moves.

So we went home and had some really quick breakfast.

I put together the needed items for the Merit Badge Clinic,

and we headed out to soccer.

Caleb and Colin spent the morning learning about their nation.

I spent the morning wondering why I want 'family togetherness' on the sideline??

Dan left to take a mid-term.

We met up again later to transport more kids to more soccer and the football party.

(I left the napping children home and just took Presley).

We met up again at the football party,

and then it was finally home.

Yeah for home.

The older kids went off to parties, friends or grandparents,

and we were left with just the 4 little ones.

I had this great idea to put up the Christmas lights.

We did that while we waited around for the ice-cream truck.

Corbin said...."This is our best Getting-Ready-For-Christmas-Day ever."

Yes, it was.

We put kids to bed and headed out to deliver Sydney to a party.

It was up north near the temple,

so Dan took me there for the very last session of the night.

I counldn't help but remark that he began the day with the earliest session,

and ended with the latest.

We had some Mexican food before retrieving the teenager.

Dan was starving....something about 'Never Eating' when he's with me.

Who has time for that?

We picked up Presley from her grandparents and hit the Walmart on the way home for a final birthday gift.

I fell asleep in the car....again.

When we got home,

I crawled into my bed completely exhausted.

It had been a good day....."the best ever" according to Corbin.

Dan was settled and held my hand as he fell asleep.

(I'm glad I was tired, because the sheets didn't make it back on my bed,

and I'm OCD).

We woke up Sunday morning to a messy house,

and happy children.

It was good.

But none of us can handle this house out of shape very long,

so today is the day!

Oh....one more thing about Saturday.

In the lull of the afternoon,

we were standing outside when we noticed a loose dog.

It wasn't our neighbors dog,

but I remembered that it was the friends dog.

And the 3 dogs play together.

As I opened the gate to let the dog in,

My mom and Dan were protesting,

I said, "Oh they play together all the time. Look they like each other."

Dan and my mom just shook their heads.

And then the conversation went something like this:

Me to the dogs, "There you go. Oh wait. Hey. Stop that. No. No... stop that! Get off her. Dan! Help. This dog is being naugty."

And his response was something like,

"You are such an airhead."

The worst part is that the dogs got stuck together.

Really stuck.

Dan said his training didn't include this kind of thing,

and he wasn't sure, but judging by the odd position of the dog,

he was pretty sure that the beans were, in fact, above the frank.

(We never should have seen that movie.)

And so we finally left.

There were only a few neighbor kids standing around.

A few minutes later,

Corbin asked me for a penny.

I told him I didn't have a penny.

He said, "Okay, a dollar.)

I gave him Dan's wallet.

The next thing I knew, my mom was saying,

"Umm...are you sure you want Cade and Corbin dividing up the contents of Dan's wallet?"

There wasn't much in it, because earlier, I had given Caleb and Colin Dan's debit card on their way to the mall. They looked curiously at me and fiendishly took the card without me questioning myself.

A few minutes after the dog and wallet issue,

I put Maryn and Ainsley in the stroller and walked back to check on the dogs.

I parked the girls at the top of the driveway and peeked over the gate.

Yep....still stuck.

When I turned around,

the girls had big eyes and were sitting at the bottom of the driveway.

I will remember the brake next time.

Dan said there is really little difference between me and a blond,

except the hair coloring.

Thanks hon.

There are things I am super good at,

just not that day.

Well,

Ainsley is done with this blogging biz.

Time to get onto the day.

I have to somehow see the loop-hole in my latest negotiation venture.

Dan says it's my gift,

and if there is a loophole,

I will find it.

Hopefully we save a house :)

Happy Monday.

Tuesday

2011-11-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

I have a quick minute right now.

Cade is finishing his hachos (chips with melted cheese).

Maryn was tired.

Ainsley is cat napping.

All the others are at school.

Guess what?

There really is a fish in the tank.

Woohoo.

Cade just asked if tomorrow was Christmas.

No. Tomorrow is Wednesday.

I thought seriously about taking a nap,

but Sydney needs to deliver items to the Child Crisis Center today,

so we will head that way instead.

And then there are some physics and algebra principles to review.

Tomorrow we tour the Post office for the Citizenship in the Nations Merit Badge.

Thursday night is the Town Meeting, which satisfies a requirement for 2 different Badges.

And there are reports to edit,

and math problems to do,

and toilets to scrub.

Day 2 of our 90 day fitness plan:

It went ok,

but working out together will be interesting.

Today we repeated the test from yesterday,

and did a little bench.

Sydney and Caleb can almost do the bar.

Tomorrow: Legs.

Slowly we will work up to some Crossfitting.

I miss it.

Oh....and I can't plank anymore,

but Caleb is the Beast. I stopped him at 2 minutes today.

I feel a competition coming on.

I think Caleb might out-plank is dad.

And last night, Corbin asked when he would grow big boobs.

Sydney and I giggled.

"Boys don't have boobs," we explained.

He replied with, "Well Dad has big boobs."

And then we laughed again.

Yes, he has quite a well-defined chest.

It's impressive.

Well that was TMI.

I dare not post this.

Ok....I can't help it.

BUT

My older children better NEVER repeat this.

I mean it.

For Real!!

On the way home from church on Sunday, Cade was singing.

"Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam."

Except he had Ainsley's Binky in his mouth,

and it sounded more like,

"Jesus wants me for a zombie."

Dan and I laughed and laughed.

Sometimes I wonder if He does want me for a zombie.

hahaha.

Well, on with this day.

Monday ramblings

2011-11-14T08:38:00.000-08:00

The time goes by incredibly fast, and I regret not posting as often as I would like.

And some days are just pretty long,

or I don't feel like my best self.

So I follow the old rule of:

"If you can't say something nice....stay out of cyberspace. Take a nap instead."

haha,

I don't actually sleep though :)

So what's on my mind today???

The children.....of course.

Sundays have become great days for working on Scouting and Young Women's goals.

I believe we spent 8 hours yesterday.

Usually, the kids would be bored on a Sunday afternoon,

but yesterday we worked so hard,

they were begging me to go to bed.

I fell asleep exhausted,

instead of restless,

and dreamed all night about merit badge requirements.

There is something to the good programs out there for our youth.

I was once perplexed by Scouting,

but have since become an avid supporter.

There are so many good skills to acquire in life,

and working together as a family in these programs has delivered very meaningful memories to me.

Admittedly, our time is not without opposition.

A truly loving Chinese mother would never let her child give up.

Boredom is no excuse.

Hard work brings results.

Quitting.....NOT an option.

And most importantly,

I would never ask the kids to do something I am not willing to do myself.

This morning,

I woke up with a tinkling lightbulb in my head.

So we headed to the gym to do our first fitness test for a new 3 month program.

We are very out-of-shape.

But it was a good morning, with little resistance,

and it's more fun to work out as a family.

Yesterday as we typed through a powerpoint presentation for the Communications Merit Badge,

I noted how much the children have accomplished over the years.

In such a short time,

they have made great accomplishments.

I am very pleased to see the happiness in them.

So this next part is specifically for the ones who save me every day:

There have been times when I would have been lost without your kindness. And my moments of doubt bring me back fighting so fiercely for your souls. The one thing that stands between you and the evil of the world is me...... and you know how stubborn I can be.

Please understand where my motivation comes from as I navigate through our days of raising children. You are meant to be amazing adults. We are meant to help each other through this life.

Right now, I am raising honorable missionary sons and truly exceptional daughters. The challenges are many.

As I understand it, I have one shot at getting through this life, so every single day matters. Every thing we do matters. You matter. I love you forever, and more than you will ever know.

I am not afraid to say that we are raising our kids to serve God.

As it goes around here:

God first.

Then Family.

Followed by:

Church Responsibilities and Programs.

Education.

Fitness. (Hard to order)

There are lots of things that aren't even in the top 5.

My sons never need to question my feelings about becoming full-time missionaries. It's only 2 years of your life to give back.

Why are boys asked to serve, but it's not required of the girls? That's a question you have to ask yourselves. But the bottom line is that we all give. It's only right.

From start to finish, I will have hopefully given 32 years to the effort of raising children.

So far, it's been 14.5 years of sleepless nights.

81 ish months to pregnancy.

Equal that many to nursing.

8 times my hair has fallen out,

and I am on my 9th round of fighting back into my jeans.

There isn't a day that goes by without anxiety,

and wondering if I am doing enough.

Today I feel tremendous love for the little people who boss me around all day. We don't have to struggle through hard days alone. We are here for each other.

So for my favorite peeps:

Please have a good day and know that I am thinking of you. I love you no matter what.

Nov 8

2011-11-09T04:54:00.000-08:00

It feels like 4am,

but it's actually almost 6.

It was a sleepless night.

Ainsley is passed out next to me with her little hands over her head.

Cade is next to her.

Caleb is on the floor to my right.

He is a violent sleeper.

I am not sure why he slept in here last night.

Yesterday was a good day.

I love birthday days.

By the end of the night, Maryn had finally figured out that a birthday means something special.

She ate cake and opened gifts.

She spent the evening playing with Reagan and Caleb.

The Fall season is super busy.

It's my favorite, I think....or do I say that every season?

I love it because it's Dan's birthday,

which he now shares with his little girl.

I anticipate him wearing princess party crowns in the future for his mid-life birthday parties.

I love his birthday,

because I love him.

He did wonder about his birthday gifts.

No, it's not hidden in the garage.

It's not so big that it needs assembled.

It doesn't require ammunition.

Sorry babe.

I made dinner, mowed the lawns and washed the cars for you.

The kids want to go with you to spend your Sports Authority gift card.

(Don't take them....)

Birthdays are not so glamorous for us.

Dan ended his birthday late last night re-learning science,

so he can properly tutor his teenager.

If it was my birthday,

I would be depressed too.

hahahaha.

I woke up yesterday,

wishing we were packing for a quiet trip to a warm beach.

Instead, it was 6am at the gym with the 3 older kids.

Dan said it was his most painful work out ever.

It might take a few attempts before they understand the gym.

And then he was off to work.

He took 5 hours of vacay,

And we spent the afternoon at a cross country meet with all the kids.

There was a big puddle.

Puddles give me anxiety.

We had limited time for dinner and cake,

and then he was back to work.

He texted me throughout the night.

It sounded sleepless for him too.

If I were a betting person,

I would wager that yesterday will be one of his favorite memories.

Despite the challenges,

he loves the time with the kids.

They will remember that it was their dad who taught them how to work out.

And their dad who explained physics concepts.

He fixes their problems,

and makes everything more fun.

I can try....but I am not him.

It's okay.

He makes me feel the same way.

Well,

it's 6:17 am and this house is dark and quiet.

Sydney is burning the candle at both ends until her play ends.

The big kids have homework.

Only the little kindergarten night owl finished his work yesterday.

Today,

I have a house to save.

and a house to clean,

and some little people to play with.

It's a beautiful time to be a mother.

2011-11-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

Time gets away from me lately.

Maryn is turning 2 next week.

It hadn't occured to me until after she Sharpied the couch and herself,

And this morning there was the peanut butter incident.

Yes....she is almost 2.

And Cade cannot resist messes.

He loves them.

Over the years, I am trying to remember our biggest messes.

Sydney had the vaseline/desitin.

Caleb was all about eggs...and water....and peanut butter.

Someone spilled a gallon of oil.

There was the flour issue.

Recently was the Murphy's oil soap and Mr. Clean.

Food coloring.

Wood glue.

Crayons and markers of all kinds.

My mom stopped by when I was cleaning up.

She said, "Well, when they have access to everything, you can expect messes."

Yes.

How do I restrict access?

It would take a tremendous effort to lock up this house and establish strict rules.

And by the time I did that, the littles would be big.

I like the independence.

I like the creativity.

I am at a loss for controlling the messes.

Well,

I could have taken a girls weekend,

But there is a play,

football playoffs,

soccer,

wrestling,

school carnival,

and hopefully a baby blessing.

Every weekend is busy.

Each weeknight has a few things going.

It never ends.

I hope it never does.

Sydney - Your play will be fun. You are beautiful.

Colin - You have done an amazing job of managing everything you have going on. Sometimes in certain classes, we fight for every grade. It's ok. You are doing great. Being busy is way more fun than not. I am so happy for your continued determination to try new things.

Caleb - I like doing math with you. If I had my way, I would sit and work problems with you all night, every night. But I like watching you play football too, so we have to find a balance.

Reagan - Learning to work in a team environment is challenging. You never back down from a challenge. I love that you are such a good friend. I love that you are a great student. I love when you show such consideration for you brothers and sisters. You are perfect at being you.

Presley - I still want you to be the one who cares for me when I'm old.

Corbin - I love when you use the word "properly" properly. It makes me so happy.

Cade - You just gathered an assortment of items to create something. I am sorry that I had to draw the line. My concern is that you have learned how to split atoms or assemble hydrogen bombs. Please be kind to me today. I am in dire need of a nap.

Maryn - You sing the best "Haleluja" ever. And I love when you walk yourself up to your bed at naptime. You are so cute.

Ainsley - You seem to need more sleep. It would be great if that could happen during the business day.

Lars - You bark and I zap you. It's the only control I have in my life. If it weren't for you, no one would listen to me.

Fish - You are in fishy heaven. Sorry about that. I bank my success on whether or not you live. And yet, Dan keeps feeding you, and Presley insists that you are "just hiding." I hope you lived happily here, although if I were a pet here, I might wish to go to the big fishbowl in the sky.

Dan - I am sorry I wasn't more sympathetic with your sickness. I will try harder. And if you are reading this, you should be doing something constructive.

Back to work now. If I sit too long, I fall alseep.

Need More Gatorade!

Football is almost over....for now.

2011-10-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, we were at an away game for football.

We had come from the crowded soccer fields.

As Colin and I walked over to the field,

there was the most serene scene in front of us.

Colin said, "Look mom, our 2 favorite things,

church and football."

I had to admit,

it was beautiful.

It pleased me considerably to know that my son's heart is in the right place.

I didn't take a picture that day,

but Saturday was just as great.

I woke up with a serious need to get to the temple.

Ainsley was stirring.

Caleb was first due to a field.

I asked him if he would go with me early so I could spend a few minutes in the temple.

He agreed and quickly dressed.

He and the baby walked around the temple while they waited for me.

It seems like the temple is busier and busier.

The new Gilbert temple can't come fast enough for me.

We left there and headed to a rendezvous point with Dan.

I was hoping a good breakfast and a peaceful morning would ease the anxiety that accompanies game day.

It didn't,

but that's okay. The game was still fun.

I gave Ainsley to Dan for the morning game.

He looked a little panicked when she whimpered a bit for him.

This is the beautiful scene where we watched Caleb play.

And a picture of Dan.

He doesn't know beans about babies....at least he would have me believe that.

This ain't your first rodeo, bro.

I kept the little princess with me.

She is "Cheeze"ing with her cousin.

We headed to soccer.

Dan made another rendezvous point at soccer to catch the end of the girls games.

Reagan's team got annihilated.

Presley lost too.

0 for 3 in the morning games.

I tried to cheer Reagan up at half time.

She wasn't having it.

And then,

I did something.

It wasn't normal for me.

-I had words with the yeller coach.-

He wasn't pleased with me.

(At least the second half was quieter.)

About 1pm, we ended up on a road trip with Maryn, Colin and Ainsley.

Casa Grande.

I love road trips.

This would have been the perfect ending to our day.

We were on a lush field in the middle of the cool desert watching the Arizona sunset.

The game was close and our team won.

It doesn't get any better than that.

But that did not end our day.

We still had kids all over town.

Everyone had a party this weekend,

and all went different directions.

Corbin and Cade spent Friday night and Saturday with Grammie.

They had a blast.

Reagan had a party after her game.

Presley went to "Trunk or Treat" with her friend.

Caleb had a costume party.

Sydney had play practice all day.

Some were out.

Some were coming.

Some were going.

Dan and I were exhausted....with a few more hours to go.

We made our rounds,

and finally dropped the last bunch of friends home about 10pm.

At one point, I felt so tired, I just wished I could throw up and go to bed.

But I am not a fan of puking,

so I just went to bed.

Dan woke up sick.

This morning was busy trying to navigate the debris from the week.

We do not have shoes on shoe shelves,

or belts,

or socks.

8 am church.

No biggy right??

We we made it.

I was so happy to be there,

with everyone dressed,

but Dan was sick.

So we came home early.

And since, I have turned into Nazi-mom.

No fighting.

No mess-making.

No junk food.

No Talking (I like that one best).

And Dan is sick.

Erhggggg.

I made him some tea and soup,

but I am not happy about his choosing to get a respiratory sickness.

Today is Sunday.

If we don't button this day down,

next week will be hard.

My brother suggested changing his batteries.

It's okay.

He takes care of me all the time.

I can be nice to him today.

but tomorrow is out of the question....

Fuel

2011-10-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

Ahhh.....what's new???

I am not really sure.
The days and nights all blur together.

Today I woke up pretty energetic.
Ainsley had snuggled her way into my bed again.
Reagan was burried at the foot under my comforter.
Cade was smooshed in right next to me.

I know at some point in the night I jumped up and ran into Maryn's room to make sure she was breathing.
(She is almost 2)

I can't remember if it was a good night or bad so I am calling it good.

I am living proof that zombie moms can, in fact, survive entirely on Gatorade.

Most mornings frighten me right out of my pants.
(That's why I don't bother wearing pants.)
Dan said to me this week, "Are you going to wear pants today?"
No.
"Ok then, how bout shorts?"
No.
"Skirt?"
No. And not a swim suit, wet suit or snow suit either.
He said, "Ok."
And we moved on.

I was thinking last night, as I drove around.
Are we too busy?
If I had been alone yesterday,
I would have driven kids to school at 8am.
Taken Cade to pre-school and noon.
Dropped Sydney at her class at 12:40pm.
Let the air conditioning guy in at 1pm.
Gone to the Preschool party from 1:15-3pm.
Picked Sydney up at 3:30pm
Made and fed dinner.
Taken kids to church for primary practice.
Dropped boys at football.
Dropped Sydney at play practice.
Picked up church kids.
Picked up football boys.
Picked up soccer girls.
Picked up Sydney.
Delivered fundraiser items.
Put everyone to bed.

But my mom was home and that was super helpful for the 8am drive to school, the air conditioner guy and the church kids.
($229.50 to get a new flux capacitor. I think that he made that up.)
And at the end of the night when the little boys wanted to curl up on the couch and watch a movie, Grandma sat through Captain America.
(The boys think she's cool because she watches super hero movies...and likes them.)
The girls hitched a ride to soccer.
(I love love that I live on a street with friends who come and go to all the same places we go. Kids hop in and out of cars all the time.)

I came and went from this house so very many times yesterday.
Somehow, the day was really good.
I spent time being a little social.
The kids took their turns in the front seat talking my ear off.
I even gave the littles a nap and read Cade a book.

Are we too busy?
I don't think so.
I love the time with the kids.
I almost feel selfish sometimes because I think this is the coolest job.
I get to hang out at practices,
and listen to all their stories.
They teach me new songs.
Game day is super awesome.

Right now,
Colin is finishing football.
He started cross country.
Next week, he begins wrestling.
Tonight he is on a scout camp out.
He has been one happy guy.
Our boys think bengay is the best invention ever.
Now they can play more, right through their pain.

2 more weeks of our crazy Fall activities,
and then it settles down a bit.
We lose football and the Play.
It's not really about what we lose or gain in activities.
We just like things to begin and end.
It feels really good to complete something and then move forward.

How do we manage?
I have learned to be extremely flexible.
And I have learned to love what the kids love.
Homework isn't even so bad.
The other day, I told the kids,
"Look, your only job is to learn new stuff. That's the best job ever (next to mine)."
They don't seem to complain about homework much.

The feeling in my heart and mind?
This is the best.

My fuel of choice?
Orange Gatorade with 21 grams of sugar

and
Ibuprofen.

Sleep? Not entirely necessary.

Thoughts? Completely random.

Monday

2011-10-17T04:49:00.000-07:00

It's 4:47am.
Ainsley has been up since 3am.
That's fairly normal.
She is starring at me right now,
trying to smile and talk.
Reagan is asleep in my bed,
as well as Cade.
I wish I was sleeping.

It's been a long two weeks.
I take the break times to do my due diligence in driving.
During the normal course of our weeks,
I limit driving when possible,
but during breaks, I might drive across town every day for a camp or activity.
It's only 2 weeks, so no biggy.

Driving is my double edged sword.
On the one hand,
it's my favorite time to be with the kids.
I always have someone captive in the front seat and they tell me all about whatever is on their mind.
We listen to music.
When a new funky song comes on the radio,
Dan typically changes the station.
I stop him all the time and tell him, "I like that one."
He says I'm 'so mainstream.'
Sydney tells me I wouldn't sing along as much if I knew what the song was about.
Colin tells her not to ruin the music for us.
We like a good, catchy beat.
Lately, we like the songs with M&M rapping along,
except there are lots of holes in his music and I think it's because those are bad words,
so we make up our own words,
or we turn the station when it's ridiculously over-bleeped.

The other hand of driving is that it exhausts me.
Really.
And loading and unloading zaps all my energy.
My reserves are desperately low right now.
I have gone back to forgetting to eat,
which is bad if I don't want my hair to fall out again for the 9th time.

I had a lesson to teach yesterday at church.
It was about 10am when I felt shaky.
I am not a nervous person,
so I racked my zombie mind to try to pinpoint it.
Saturday had been busy.
It started early with Merit Badges,
and culminated with an unexpected night game of football in Casa Grande.
I don't remember really eating much.
On the way to church in the van,
we launched bananas back to whomever couldn't reach one on the counter before we left.
A banana is hardly enough.

I am usually a great early morning person,
but I admit that 8am church is rough after a long Saturday of games.
I notice that the chapel is a little low on attendance.
If I am having trouble,
and I like the early time,
how much harder must it be for the night-owls of the world?

Yesterday,
we made it.
It wasn't pretty.
But we were there.

I taught a lesson on the temple,
and that brought up a few tears.
I was too tired to be witty or funny.

Ainsley is almost asleep.
That means it's time for me to wake up a teenager and head to the gym.
Her "morning-ness" is coming along,
although sometimes it's like waking the monster from the Black Lagoon.

Last night,
I called all the big kids in.
It was about 7pm,
and it may as well have been 2am.
We talked about laundry and clean bedrooms.
I told them I was so tired.
Colin grabbed a notebook and they all decided this weeks chores.
We had a chat about grades and practice.
They know that I believe it's possible for them to get straight A's,
and I expect it,
Because intelligent children shouldn't perform lower than their best.
We all agreed that this house needs to be orderly,
or all the OCD combined will well up and eventually create a Chernobyl-like meltdown.
We can't have that.

(I just sneezed and it made Ainsley smile).

I hate to admit this,
but today must be laundry-mat day.
(I got behind.)

On second thought,
I might hold off on the gym.
I honestly don't know what time the teenager went to bed.
Her alarm sounded,
but she didn't move.
We might need a little later morning.
She has a huge test today.
I hope she is prepared.

To my amazing children:
You are doing so well.

Sydney....I read and pray just for you every day.

Colin....your humor is exhausting.

Caleb.....I spent most of my afternoons this break working on your eyes...and your bed....because I love you, and I need you functioning at 100%.

Reagan....your kickoffs are coming along nicely. If you really want to play spring tackle, I will let you. Colin and Caleb will teach you how to throw like a boy. Caleb will block for you. Use your awesome soccer skills for punts and kicks. And if you get the ball, run as fast as you can, because your dad will not handle you getting tackled.

Presley....when I am old, will you take care of me?

Corbin...In the car on the way home from church, I asked, "Does anyone know where my phone is?" You made everyone laugh when you replied, "I want to go to the store for a donut."

Cade....You are funny. I love your spunk. You also make a great "Potty-Word" Policeman.

Maryn....Please do not learn language from your brothers. "Butthead" is still a bad even when you say it in your sweet, little princess voice.

Ainsley...You bring peace to our house.

Dan....we are hungry. Please hurry home.

Arriven

2011-10-09T20:13:00.000-07:00

This is him.

This is me.

We didn't have the opportunity to embarrass ourselves today afterall. We weren't just overly worn out from games. We were sick. So 5 of the kids went to church today, and Dan and I took turns dragging ourselves around taking care of the kids.

At the end of the day, I forget to remember how cute these kids are. They are each adorable and gifted. I love them more than sleep, (and everyone who knows me well, knows that is really a super lot of love.)

The other morning, we called the kids in for scripture. They came stumbling in like zombies. When one would enter the room, I would say, "Zombie #1 has arriven." I must have been in zombie mode too, because "arriven" isn't a word, but I thought it was. One by one, they all appeared. We were finally surrounded by all 9 little zombies. Yesterday, Corbin was saying it over and over, just like I said it that morning, trying to figure out which number is associated with which kid. He thinks that "arriven" is a word. It is now, son.

Saturday is a special day

2011-10-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

So tired tonight.....
This is what we look like at the end of a really long day of games.
Saturdays are the best,
although I admit that I was anxious to start this day.
How on earth do we navigate 4 different games on 3 different fields all at different times with 8/9 kids?
Somehow we pulled it off.
I had a few 'moments.'
For example,
"Kids....respect the perimeter around mom's personal space."

We had 2 wins and 2 losses today.
The last few weeks we've walked away with 4/4 wins.
Oh well.

Next week is wrestling camp.
I am pretty excited to see how our boys enjoy it this time around.
They have become tremendously more competitive,
and seriously stronger.
I think they will do well.

My eyes are red and burning.
My throat is hurting,
and my voice is nearly gone.
The house is a disaster because we did yard work and played instead of scrubbing toilets.
I am gearing up for a 48 hour shift soon....and I will probably cry.

Tonight I am sitting her considering all of our activities and commitments.
I wonder if I am really doing what I am meant to be doing right now.
Mostly, I drive. And drive. And drive some more.
Everything we do requires a new pair of shoes.
I wonder what our kids will remember when they think back on their childhood.
I remember donuts, chores and Hee-Haw on Saturdays.
What will be stored in their "Saturday File" in their minds?

I hope the children remember all the good.
They are all blessed with many opportunities.
I don't mind the driving and time is takes see them enjoy their activities.
I love that they are beginning to have so much in common.

Well, Ainsley got a head start on us tonight and she has been snoozing an hour now.
Maybe tonight is the night,
and we will sleep a solid 8 hours...
Kind of doubt it.

Happy Saturday.
It was football and soccer and movies tonight.
Tomorrow will be frustrating,
but hopefully good.
If I am lucky,
I won't embarrass myself in front of everyone I know.
(I would have to be really lucky for that though :)

Interruptions

2011-10-04T13:10:00.001-07:00

I checked every website I could find searching out camps for the next two weeks.
I found a super great one.
Math Camp.
4 hours a day for 5 days.
$75.
That's $3.75 per hour.
So perfect.
And then, I even got the 12 year old to agree to it.
Reagan would have loved it too,
but it was only for Junior High kids.
The others settled on Tennis camp.
Even Corbin is old enough now.

So Colin got up bright and early yesterday morning and hitched a ride with his dad to Math camp.
He called me about 7:45am to tell me they didn't have enough participation and the camp would be cancelled.
Soooo disappointed.
At least he got 4 hours of math out of it,
and we get a full refund.
Colin ended up joining the others at tennis camp.

I tried to take the kids picture today when they were finished at tennis.
Caleb said, "No mom. People are going to think we don't ever play sports if you take a picture of us here."
hahaha
Who cares? I took the picture anyway.

Interruption....every time I sit down, Ainsley fidgets,
so I keep getting up to settle her.

Another interruption....Chinese Mother moment.

Speaking of which,
Colin got in the car after Math Camp yesterday.
He thought the camp was fun.
There were more mentors than students.
All the mentors were Chinese and one of the 3 students.
The other two 7th graders were in Geometry....2 classes higher than Pre-Algebra.
Colin said he isn't even sure how those kids are in Geometry to begin with.
I told him, "That's what summer school is for son. You'll find out this June."

Another interruption....

It's 10:39pm.
I should be asleep.
It's been a long day.

Chinese mother

2011-10-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday.
It was General Conference this weekend,
where we watch church on TV,
(except we don't have cable so we listen on iPhones and computers).

Regretfully,
we do not all gather like we used to.
The attention span of the littles is short.
The big kids are a hit-and-miss with their concentration.
I was just really happy to stay in my pajamas today.
(I moved on from my favorite old blue nightgown to Dan's fire shirts.
He recently said he ordered new uniform shirts.
I said, "Great....new jammies for me."
He didn't think that was funny.)

Anyway, until I fit in my old, out-of-style clothes,
I will continue wearing my pajamas all day.

I forgot what I was talking about.....
General Conference. Right.
So it's always a good, inspiring weekend.
Every six months we look at how we are measuring up and make little tweaks to our goals.

I love fall.
It's always an extremely motivating time for me.
Now that Ainsley is 7 whole weeks old,
and sleeping a little more during the dark hours,
I am ready to get back into my ambitions.

Sometimes,
I am pretty sure I am getting killed in most areas of my life.
For example, last week was a little horrendous with school.
Our first semester ended.
So much was required.

When little precious was 1 week old,
we went to "Intervention Conference" for one of the kids.
Usually, only parents go,
but I thought it would be a good idea to bring the student along.
(I wasn't in the mood to talk about the child.
If there was an issue,
that kid could be there to hear about it.)

It was a productive meeting.
As parents we understood a little more how we can help our student.
The student and the teachers worked up a plan for success.
We left the conference feeling regenerated.

It lasted about 1 minute until the student realized that the new plan did not include hanging out with friends that weekend instead of completing some missing assignments.

The student and I did not agree.

Of course, Dan stepped in as a mediator.
He explained the consequences in a way that encouraged the student to finish the work.
I did not come unglued.
We spent the weekend working.
It was a win-win.

And from that point forward,
the students in our house began the uphill climb to good grades.

I shut the house down.
Except for sports,
we are all grounded Mon-Thurs.
The weekends are play times....well most of the time.

The kids responded well.
Really,
they are as ambitious as I am.
They like getting good grades and excelling at sports.
I don't see the point of failing.

So what is on my mind today?
I told Dan this morning,
"My goal is to work on my Chinese mothering."
He said that I am already a Chinese mother.
I told him I could be a better Chinese mother.

It might take some extra effort considering that most Chinese mothers only have 2 kids,
and I have 9.

I think I can do it though.

If you don't know what I am talking about,
go here.

There are some things that Dan and I feel are vital that are not on this list.
I am more lenient with the creative arts, such as school plays.
(We have a kid that loves drama.
I am okay with it if she can keep her grades up.)

Because Dan and I lack musical training,
it is difficult to encourage it,
but I am learning.

We are also avid sports supporters.
Practice and training began with resistance,
but have become a really fun part of our lives.

Friday night,
everyone went to Corbin's wrestling practice.
He is so cute to watch.
Dan left early with most of the kids to watch the Reagan's soccer game.
We all met together for the second half.
Reagan scored 5 goals.....more on that later.
We came home,
had ice cream
and watched a movie.
It was such a great night.
Saturday was more soccer and football.

The kids are all doing well.
They are seeing the success and enjoying their activities.
I just want them to learn to give their best effort no matter what they are doing.
Becoming a concert violinist would be great,
but it's not meant for everyone.
Some would rather spend 3 hours everyday working on their sports and training,
or their writing,
or studying.

Tomorrow begins Fall Break.
It snuck up on me.
We had not planned to go anywhere because Ainsley is still really new.
When presented to the kids,
they all agreed that there is no way they would miss games for vacation right now.
When I asked if they want to sign up for some kind of camp,
they all got excited.
Sydney made the goal last week to ramp up her ACT testing skills and work on math.
Sounds grueling to some,
but we are all pretty happy around here.
We have 2 weeks to learn new skills
or work on some things that feel like weaknesses.
The concept of "No Homework" sounds heavenly to me.

What's my role here right now?
Be the best Chinese mother I can
while following the spirit,
and having fun doing it.

Chinese mothering...my way.

2011-10-02T14:52:00.000-07:00

This is the cover of Colin's recent language assignment.
He was losing interest quick.
We brainstormed some ideas and came up with this.
This topic was intriguing.
He did really well on the assignment.

Of course we don't really believe in zombies,
although the CDC has this to say about the topic.

Colin could have written on the traditional topics:
"How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich."
Or
"How to Play Baseball."
But why not tap into the creative realm,
if you can pull it off.

And this is how the children spent Sunday General Conference.
Under the blankets in my dining room table and chairs.

It reminded me of a story in the Book of Mormon,

where the people gathered around to hear the good King Benjamin address them.

They pitched their tents with the doors towards the temple.

I hope our kids always remember to keep their focus on the things of God,

because I really believe when we do that,

everything else just falls into place.

343

2011-09-11T17:40:00.000-07:00

Some of my favorite moments aren't really moments at all.
Some last all day.

I thought I would mind football road trips,
but yesterday was really fun.
It was 100 degrees outside.
We spent 6 hours in the heat watching the boys score and get scored on.
I loved. loved. loved. it.

Ainsley did pretty well.
She cat-napped
on a soft blanket,
on top of a pillow,
in a bin,
in the bleachers,
under the shade.

She was a trooper.

We left the game and dropped by Dan's station on the way home.
Everyone was still talking about the fire they had been on the night before.

It's a little unnerving to see pictures like this,

with the next day being 9-11.

That was the day 10 years ago that began a life-changing experience for us.

Who joins the fire department after that tragedy?

And because I remember numbers,

343 runs through my mind often,

and then I stop to remember,

and I try to forget.

So tonight at dinner when Dan was telling the kids about that day,

and how the firefighters did exactly what they had been trained to do,

I left the room.

Because it's a little too hard to think about.

Sometimes we do everything right,

and the outcome is still devastatingly sad.

That's when I am reminded that there is a God.

He loves us.

We can't remember him,

but He is there.

And all the good things we do are still good,

no matter how the story ends.

I would rather not remember something that forever changed our family,

......at least not today.

Because

2011-09-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

Back in the gym this week.
I got bumped back down to the little weights again.

Monday before Ainsley was born we were at the gym deciding what kind of work out for the day.
Dan suggested bench.
It wasn't uncommon.
(Of course every really pregnant girl thinks about bench pressing on the week of delivery.)
"Okay," I said.

Dan loaded the bar.
I benched my max that day.
95 lbs.
It's not a lot,
but my goal is to bench at least as much as Justin Bieber.
He benches 120.

We took the last pregnancy a little different.
I know it was my ninth.
And I know there are rules,
but we decided the rules are really more "guidelines,"
you know,
for people who need to be cautious.
I felt pretty good.
So I rode all the rides at Disneyland,
and did abdominal workouts right to the very end.
It was painful,
but good.

Well,
it's 9:30am and if I wait much longer,
we will miss our nap today.
Little Ainsley loves her nights.

And because I didn't say it,
because I was feeling cranky,
because I am a little stubborn with my gratitude,
I want Dan to know that I really appreciate him in the middle of the dark, sleepless nights.
And for all the time he stands at the dryer folding clothes.
Or all the meals he makes for me.
(Sometimes when it's not to my exact craving, he makes me something else too).
And for all the paperwork he reviews.
And all the lenders he speaks with.
And every now and then, he deals with difficult clients when I need a break.
Mostly, it's because he loves me.
And lots of times,
I don't even deserve it.

You are still amazing in every way.

Random pics from the mac

2011-09-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

We have a new kindergartner this year.
He thinks it's a little boring compared to preschool.
His sisters are very interested in him being successful.
If we had not intervened,
they would still be getting him dressed every morning,
putting on his socks and shoes,
combing his hair,
brushing his teeth,
and doing his homework.
The teacher was probably really impressed with his work those first few weeks.
Presley took extra care in coloring the most amazing pictures on Corbin's homework sheets.
The handwriting was impeccable.

I love my girls,
and they love their brother.

Corbin has since been doing homework with Grandma.
She has a sticker chart,
and a treasure box.
Homework isn't such a drag anymore.

And the following are pictures I found on the computer.
No idea what they were doing.

I love them.

almost

2011-09-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

This was where Maryn watched shark week.
(That's my favorite horse blanket that I have had since I was 8.
It used to be my favorite cat's favorite blanket too.)

This was us on a little hike in San Diego.

I love him.
He seems to love me too,
no matter how fat I get.

This is Cade leaning on my dashboard.
It was super hot that night.
I ran my van out of gas on the freeway because I didn't feel like stopping.
And then the battery died.
I felt dumb.
We got crushed ice from Circle K after being rescued.
I try not to run out of gas anymore.

This is how I serve dinner,
except I learned the other night that maybe it's not a good idea to do it like this because it's not right to force kids to eat things they don't like.
Supposedly, we should offer a few different side dishes and hope they choose something.
Sounds very democratic.

And that's it for today.
Little Precious just fell asleep.
That doesn't give me much time to scrub the toilets and send off a few contracts.

Today is my first official day back.
We did the yard work and washed the cars.

Thanks - to my sweet boys who get up willingly on Thursdays to mow the lawns for grandma and me.
They don't even complain.
That means the world to me.

Oh....and I thought I was doing pretty well this morning.
I wasn't really ready for the day,
but everyone else was dressed with hair combed.
We took a walk with the littles to school.
It wasn't until the way home that I remembered I had forgotten to put a diaper on Maryn.
I almost remembered all the important stuff this morning :)
Almost......

Peace

2011-08-31T10:54:00.000-07:00

For my friends who encourage me to write,
this one is for you.

And hopefully,
I can come back into the blogging world.

I took that picture of my clean counter top on March 29th.
I think my last post was March 27th.
I needed a little time to put some things in order,
and I really missed my journal.

In the last months,
that counter
(which had been a gathering place of uselessness)
has managed to remain clean.
My journal filled up,
and I started a new one.
I feel like my conscience is cleared and I can spend some time here again.

It has not been easy to be transparent in cyberspace.
By nature,
I am a fairly private person,
except in really comfortable settings.
And for some reason, at the time I stopped posting,
I needed to find my focus again.

I cannot really catch up on the last few months,
and catching up is completely exhausting anyway.
So I will give a brief re-cap,
and then we can move on.

I love this picture of my sweet little girls.

And this is Cade's "scared face."
We took our 4th trip to our favorite place in the middle of nowhere.

This picture was taken at the Mark Twain Cave on our way to Nauvoo, Il with our daughters Reagan and Presley.

Dan and I look old this time :(

And the base of the "Lighthouse" hike, except it was hot,and I didn't feel like hiking.

And a picture of our sweet daughters at the Pioneer Memorial in one of my favorite places.

A cute picture of Reagan and her dipped candle.

In April, our family ran in the Pat's Run.
I was 20 weeks pregnant, and the run was 4.2 miles.
Presley was a little rock star and ran beside me the entire way.

On with my recap:

So we finished spring soccer,
and spring football,
and spring softball.
The school year ended as well.

The summer was full of camps, conferences and swim team.
I could write entire posts about how amazing it was to see our kids train and compete.
Our summer was filled with fitness and motivation in preparation for our new little angel.

We took one last trip to the beach over the 4th of July.
It wasn't my most comfortable year there,
and I was oh-so-happy to be home in my bed,
(which I never really slept in much all summer).

School started back up again.

And then 3 weeks later,
sweet Ainsley came into the world.
She has truly been a blessing.
New babies bring an overwhelming spirit of peace.

Back in March,
I was feeling that it was time to set our house in order.
For many months,
Dan and I sorted through closets,
and bins,
and drawers.
We've been through the filing,
the garage,
and the shed.
Many, many items have made their way out from the depths of our home,
and right into a donation pile or trash can.
5 years of survival ended cleanly on August 12th.

I needed time to work through my thoughts and re-discover my ambitions.
Being the mother of 9 requires a certain degree of organization.
It's easy to get caught up in the tasks and forget which direction I am heading.
The reality is that we have a great responsibility in all we do here.

Our children depend on us.
The important, non-urgent, urgent, unimportant activities all need place in our lives.

A business must thrive, and work needs completed.
We cannot lose ourselves in the busy-ness that every day brings.

Here is what is on my mind most this morning:

My favorite moment this summer, the moment I go back to in my mind whenever I need a safe place;
It was early morning, 2 miles from the Mississippi.
The girls were tucked safely in an old Victorian bed on the second floor of a quaint little house that serves as a comfortable bed and breakfast.

The sky was threatening to rain on the green, country landscape.
Dan and I headed out to run with our usual conversation about how unique it is that grass grows spontaneously in certain parts of the country.
And just as we left,
the drops started coming down.

I was wearing my most comfortable red maternity shirt and my favorite running shoes.
Dan was wearing his black Pat's Run shirt,
(of which we have 7 floating around our laundryroom at any given time.
All of which are worn with pride.)

We ran down the tree-lined street until we were nearly soaked,
and then we headed back.
It was so beautiful outside that we had to rest for a minute and take it all in.

The moment I remember most is how I felt sitting on that old Victorian porch
in my favorite sleepy town in the middle of nowhere.
Dan and I talked about everything and nothing,
and I felt safe.
Nothing in the world could destroy my peace in those precious moments with him.

And that is the place my mind wanders off to,
and the moments I never want to forget.

This blog is the place I remember everything good in my world.

Right now,
there is too much to name.
9 little people amaze me every day.
1 man continues to steal every waking thought.....and most of my dream time.

I am blessed beyond measure.

Bringing it back

2011-05-28T10:22:00.001-07:00

Please bring it back. You are missed.

A little time away

2011-03-25T22:00:00.001-07:00

This week is flying by.
Our final days of Spring Break are nearly over.

I wanted to write a few things down before I forget them.
Corbin has been spunky lately.
Today, he walked around in frustration,
calling people "Muggles."
And his dinner prayers are sounding less and less like "Dear Heavenly Father" and more and more like "Dear Harry Potter" again.

I tried to correct him without drawing too much attention.

Maryn has been talking so much more.
She says random things like,
"Where did Daddy go?"
Or
"I want some more."
We think she is very smart.

If you ask her if she wants to go 'night, night',
she walks over to her crib and reaches in to softly touch her blanket with one hand,
while she sucks her thumb on the other hand.

Cade tells me lots of things,
mostly about monster trucks.
He certainly came out "all boy."

Today,
I was cranky.
There has been a headache coming for days.
Either that,
or it's just my personality.

Two weeks ago,
Dan and I went to the temple.
We had some things on our minds.
I walked away with nothing,
and Dan came out saying,
"Let's go to Disneyland."

No way.

Well,
he insisted,
and on Tuesday night about 1:45am,
we headed out.
We pulled into the parking lot 6 hours later,
had some breakfast,
and were on Main Street by 9am.

It was supposed to be raining all that day,
and Disneyland wasn't very crowded.
We walked right on to Pirates of the Caribbean.
5 minutes into that ride,
with 4 of 8 crying,
and the others holding on with white knuckles,
Dan and I laughed and re-considered our first ride being the scariest.
We left that ride,
and walked on to Indiana Jones.
That was fun too.
And from there,
we spent the day on rides with little waiting.
The kids all had backpacks of snacks,
and we brought in a good lunch.
I FastPassed for the olders with Cade and Maryn staying near me and the food.
Corbin was tall enough for almost every ride.
He is one of the fearful ones,
but due to the fact that he was born into a family that lost it's filters a few kids ago,
he did great.
By 5pm ish,
it was pouring.
I was prepared with ponchos,
but it was still pretty cold.
The good thing
when it rains at Disneyland, is
the young, the old and the weak disappear.
That is so much better for lines,
because Disneyland is not for wimps.
It took some serious endurance for that 11 hour day.

We had not been to Disneyland since Presley was a baby.
It was time,
and I am so glad Dan pushed for it.
It was worth it.

I love seeing the children have fun together.
They were kind and careful with each other.
Disneyland isn't the kind of public place I am comfortable in,
but we didn't have any trouble.
Maryn got tired twice
and fell asleep
(once in the rain).
Cade was a walking zombie by the end of the night.
Dan will always remember standing in the freezing rain with Cade.
He was pointing to Dumbo,
and wanting to go one more time.
They were soaked clear through,
and so so tired,
but loving every minute.

We caught every ride we wanted,
which was pretty much every ride,
and ended the night where we began.....
back on Pirates of the Caribbean.
Dan finished on Indiana Jones with the five olders.

We stopped by the restroom on the way out,
and changed some clothes,
and brushed some teeth,
and then drove 10 hours home.

It was back-to-back all nighters....16 hours in the car for 11 unforgettable hours.

Of course we will do it again someday,
probably when Maryn is about Presley's age now.

If I can figure out how to post some pics,
I will.
The kids were really cute there.

I have a million more things I want to say about the trip,
but it's pretty late.
Colin is currently writing a report about an endangered species for his Environmental Science Merit Badge clinic tomorrow.
We got lucky,
and one game is cancelled,
leaving us with only 4.
Dan took some trade time to be around for the boys first football games.
It's also his Grandma's birthday.
I told him he should go because we never know how much longer she will be here.

This night still has some hours left in it to be prepared for tomorrow.
There are some Saturdays that are just seriously packed.

And the kids are concerned about their Grammie,
who isn't feeling well.
(I love that Dan is a medic,
because he translates for us, and so we know it's not a little thing.)
Hopefully,
Grammie will be back up and around very soon.

And to my children....
I promise,
it's not my personality.
I can drop "The Tone."
There is no place for it here.
I love you guys.
Good night.

The day before

2011-03-22T07:20:00.000-07:00

3 practices and a game were rained out last evening.
It was really weird to be home all night,
and totally unproductive.
Today we go out :)

Had a few things on my mind.
Education.
Time to consider upcoming school years and semesters.

Today,
I have 2 right hand men close by,
because today will be busy,
and I really appreciate their help.
Thanks guys.