Monday, March 5, 2012

Spaces

I have 15 minutes until Curious George ends and my real day begins.
How do I sum up my thoughts in that short of time?

It was a great weekend.
Friday morning began at the usual time of 4am.
Being in the temple is hard that early.
I realized so clearly Friday why I need to be there.
I really do walk out feeling like the world is a good place.
Anything is possible.
It's easy to have the right spirit in such a holy place.
I have been trying to start every day as if I had just come from the temple.

Friday was one of those super busy days.
Dan went down town.
We had a soccer game, pinewood derby and wrestling practice.
The teenager needed rides.
The baby needed fed.
The littles needed entertained.
We divided and conquered.

Here's a funny Corbin story.
He's five. He had wrestling practice.
Changing clothes for practice isn't this 5-year-olds favorite thing.
I did a little Love and Logic on him.
"Do you want to put your clothes before you get in the car or dress from your seat belt?"
He chose 'Seatbelt.'
Okay.
It took him forever like that.
He couldn't get his pants over his shoes.
He kept losing his clothes.
He mentioned that he couldn't find his underwear.
I said, "Son, just wear the same underwear you had on at school."
He said, "Mom, it was pajama day."
I replied, "Okay. You can still wear those underwear."
"Mom, It was PAJAMA DAY. I didn't wear underwear."
Right.
We had to stop back by the house.
Sydney told him he was lucky he didn't get "Pants-ed."

He figured out how to get his underwear over his shoes,
but then he lost the shorts.
We pulled up to the junior high to pick up Colin.
Corbin was looking for his shorts and bent over with his bum in the window as Colin strolled out to the car.
Embarrassing Colin is just really too easy these days,
but I admit, it was funny to see Corbin's Spidey bum in the window.

After 30 minutes in the car,
Corbin was finally dressed for practice.

I put about 70 miles on my car in about 3 hours time.
I did have a moment Friday night when I asked myself if we were just too busy ?
It has been so many months of driving.
I wondered if we were making any progress at all.

Saturday morning began at 3am.
I was on a quest to locate a tiny wrestling shoe so the 5 year old could compete in his last match of the season.
I started in my closet,
and cleaned it until I knew every content that room held.
I then moved out to my bedroom.
(It is the final resting where many miscellaneous objects end up.)
No shoe.
I almost worried, but I kept at it.
I finally found the shoe at the bottom of the last laundry basket.
That was about 6 :30am.
Everyone would be leaving within the hour.
3 ran a 5k.
3 wrestled.
2 had soccer games.

'Wins' were not to be part of the events that day.
As I left the soccer field talking to Dan on the phone,
my peaceful mind thought this:
"A day losing is still better than a day of not playing at all."

Dan and I had been coming and going from different fields and gyms all morning.
The day had been nearly perfectly timed, because we didn't miss anything.
We met up for the last match of the afternoon around 2pm.
Our son was fighting for 3rd or 4th place in the conference.
During the season, he had won and lost,
but only his dominating opponents showed up to the final tournament.

My advice to the boy:
"Lay it all out there. You have nothing to lose."

Dan said something like,
"You CAN do this. Believe in yourself."

The boy barely made it through the first period, fighting off a pin.

Here's a personal story.
I have spent weeks preparing this kid spiritually.
I really believe that when we are outmatched, it's God who strengthens us.
Teaching our sons how to wrestle and win has been this seasons challenge.
They lack the fire and the confidence.
Sydney calls it "righteous fire."
I call it "quiet confidence."
Last week, our son had 2 pretty key wrestling meets.
I did my best to help him prepare.
He lost on Tuesday because he had a bad, angry fire.
He deserved to lose.
It was hard to swallow.
He came back more humble on Thursday.
I said a heartfelt prayer on his behalf,
but I could feel that it was not his time.
He lost that day too.

You have to understand what it feels like to be the mother watching your son wrestle.
Some moms cry and walk out.
I personally feel like being in the room no matter what,
but 'not watching' would be so much easier.
It's really tough.

During the final match on Saturday when I could barely stand it, and my anxiety was through the roof, I prayed for peace for my heart, and strength for my son.
He has worked so hard all season, and he has grown so much.
Learning the discipline of athletics is no easy task.
On top of that, he has been doing his best to mature spiritually.
I asked Heavenly Father to help him be more than he believed was possible.
And in that instance,
I had overwhelming confirmation that this would be his moment.

In the second period, our little 83 pounder spun a move that put him on top and changed the momentum in his favor.
He nearly pinned his opponent.
He fought with tremendous determination.
They went all 3 periods and our son lost by 3 points.
Dan and I both agreed it was his best match ever.

The boy received his 4th place medal,
and I went home with confirmation that all our exhausting days are worth the moments of success.

The children are learning,
and what they do not realize is how much they are teaching us in the process.

Saturday dinner was pizza.
Dan and I haven't been out in weeks,
and we had planned a date,
but I felt impressed to take my soft blanket and favorite pillow down to the couch.
Kids piled all around me and we watch a movie together.
I could tell they didn't even care what movie I chose.
They just wanted to be close.

It was a beautiful day.

And that's how it went around here this weekend.
Over and over again, I saw the hand of the Lord reaching out to help us.

I know these posts are getting very religious,
but honestly, I don't know what I would do without my faith.
Raising kids is completely exhausting.
If I try to do it alone, I feel frustrated.
When I stop to consider that someone else is in charge, and I simply need to trust Him, my days go so much easier.

There have been instances lately when I have felt myself start to lose it a little.
I want to say something that doesn't need said, or react to a situation.
Fortunately, my heart has changed.
I don't want to waste any energy on contention.
I wasn't unhappy before.
Most people who know us well, think we are pretty good at taking the punches as they come,
but I didn't realize how good it feels to really choose to be happy.

That saying, "Come what may and love it" keeps coming to mind.

Dan said the other day,
"You finally understand The Space Between."

That's the space between Action and Reaction.
It's the moment you choose how you will feel,
It's the words you do or don't say,
the place where discipline becomes a success or failure.
It is all the difference to every situation we find ourselves in.
We choose to be happy.

Well, I am past my time.
Dan picked a short and painful leg workout this morning.
Haha....It won't be long before running up and down the stairs becomes a really painful experience.

Happy Monday.
We have a concert tonight,
and
Football starts today.

It is already a good day :)

2 comments:

Natalie said...

sweet beth, you have answered my prayers today. thank you for your words. i'm so grateful for heavenly father's help while mothering is so hard. He seems to help each one of us moms just in the nick of time.

i'm on the verge of opening a couple parenting books, but my fear of learning all the WRONG things i do keeps those books closed. but my insanity keeps the books on my nightstand. i need to plunge!

reading the bofm helps me perfectly! i can totally relate to drawing my sword and whacking off some arms!

The Glenns said...

haha....I love your humor. Aren't there so many funny moments amid the chaos. I always get something out of every parenting class or book. It's not all good. Some people have some really whacked out ideas about raising kids. I mentioned that I met a "professional" recently who spent 5-10 minutes with our child and determined a diagnosis. Ha! I had to seriously wonder whether this person had ever actually raised any kids or spent much time with them.
We do our best! It's all we can do right? Happy Birthday to your mom. She is an angel.