Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A Battle on 3 Fronts

I learned something about myself in 2008 that was especially meaningful. I thought I might write about it.

There was a moment last year when I realized that I am regularly fighting a battle on 3 Different Fronts.

Regardless of personal beliefs, most people would agree that there seem to be forces of good and evil that pull us one direction or another.

The more capable and motivated we are, the harder we are pulled the opposite way.

In my Enlightening Moment last year, I became acutely aware of my influence in my little world.
7 beautiful children and a great man stand beside me....
and we are meant to
help each other Become Our Best Selves.
My Enlightning Moment was the first real time, I have ever felt anger towards that one who would rather see us miserable.

I understand that I am regularly attacked in 3 Vulnerable Areas.
  1. My Family
  2. My Marriage
  3. My Self

The bond I have to my children is innately strong. I did not grow up believing I would be the mother of a large family, yet when it comes to my children, there is little room for an effective assault. He can't turn me against my children.

And then I considered my marriage. Thankfully, I am married to a man who has never allowed any threat to interfere with our commitment to each other. I give complete credit to Dan for keeping us strongly bound.

Although there have been periods of misunderstanding and occasional selfishness, we managed to make it past the

"7 Year Itch"

and into our

"14th Year of Crapola".

For that I am truly grateful.

(Andy Bowers tells a great story about 'Marriage Crapola')

Dan and I were wondering last night what we will call our 21st year together? I try not to get his sarcasm going, so we didn't come up with any good names. We will see how it plays out... before we name it.

My Final Battle Front... and where my real war is fought: It is the effort to turn me against myself that seems to be the most effective path to my defeat. I have many defeated moments. Being a perfectionist is NOT all it's cracked up to be.

sadly, Failure is Inevitable

and

the challenges in life are many.

It was my good Bishop's counsel that echoed in my ears throughout all of 2008.

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

I appreciate his sincerity and honesty in helping a defeated mom find hope.

I recognize my feelings more easily now, and the daily assaults on my relationships and self esteem are less effective. I understand how much I have yet to learn.

This was just my little Personal Enlightenment that seemed to be a turning point for me. It came at an especially good time with growing concerns for an unstable future in an unsteady world. As Morals, Ethics, Values, and the Economy crumble around us, I feel grateful for my little sense of Hope that keeps my motivation alive.

My mom will tell you of a certain character flaw I possess. It IS that I do not take disappointment or defeat well.

So with my understanding of this battle I fight on 3 fronts,

AND with a good little angry fire thats in me,

I say,

"Game On."

3 comments:

WishTrish said...

Beth, I love this post! Brilliant explanation. I think a lot of Moms are in your same boat. You're so amazing!

Nancy Page said...

Crapola. I like that word. I think I need to bring it too because I am too hard on myself, too. Well, so I'm told.

The Glenns said...

Thanks guys. I knew if no one commented, I was going a little over-the-top with this one. You are both good, brave friends :)